We Three Queens
by EGB Fan
Summary: The Extreme Ghostbusters are approached by a mysterious young woman who claims to be having trouble with the ghost of Henry VIII.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_Extreme Ghostbusters _belongs to Aykroyd, Ramis, Barlow and Columbia Pictures. Representations of historical characters are influenced by the BBC/Showtime's _The Tudors_, as well as various historical research.

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**We Three Queens**

Chapter 1

Sensing movement, Janine Melnitz looked up from her desk. Some distance in front of her a small, fair-skinned woman was tugging at an oversized red pullover and a pair of baggy jeans. Once satisfied she looked up, swept back a mass of wispy curls, plastered on a winning smile and approached the desk.

'Hello,' she said brightly.

Janine now judged her visitor to be a girl rather than a woman. She had an accent of some sort, but it was impossible to place from only one word.

'Hello,' said Janine. 'Can I help you?'

'Well.' The girl, grinning nervously, put her hands on the desk and leaned forward. 'Yes. I have a problem with a ghost.'

'Then you're in the right place,' said Janine, though she did wonder. This was not the first time an unaccompanied minor had come to her desk complaining of ghosts, but still, she judged this not to be the time to talk of parents and guardians. 'What's your name?'

'Catherine,' said the girl. 'Well, no. Katie.'

'Katie what?'

'Oh.' She furrowed her brow and thought for a moment. Then, with a childish giggle, she said, 'Culpeper.'

'Well, Katie,' said Janine, 'the team is out at the moment, but they should be back soon. In the meantime I'll get Egon to come and talk to you. If you'd like to come with me…'

'What a curious name,' said Katie, following Janine as she made her way towards the stairs. 'That is, no one is called it where I come from. What's your name?'

'Janine. Where _do_ you come from?' asked Janine, pouncing on the opportunity.

'Originally, do you mean?'

'Well… yes.'

'Oh, well, nowhere special. Just England, really.'

'I thought you sounded British,' said Janine.

'Oh, I wasn't… that is, you ought to say English, you know. Britain isn't very specific. It only really exists at all because the king of Scotland inherited the throne of England some time in the silly old seventeenth century, and I couldn't very well be Scottish, could I? And I am certainly not Welsh, so don't you think it.'

'Um, sorry,' said Janine. 'If you'd like to wait here, I'll fetch Egon.'

She indicated the sofa. Katie sat down and began fiddling with her clothes again. Janine disappeared back down the stairs, and Katie looked around the room until she found herself staring into the face of a free-floating green ghost of some kind. She jumped to her feet in surprise, exclaiming, 'Good heavens!'

The ghost smiled, waved and babbled something at her. Katie, once over her shock, put on a sweet smile and said, 'Don't give me away, will you? I really am having trouble with a ghost, you see.'

The green ghost looked puzzled and scratched its head. It babbled something else, and then finally disappeared into an adjoining room. Katie sat back in the armchair and carried on her wait.

~.~

'She's Brit- um, English,' Janine said to Egon, 'and she's obviously using a fake name - it took her a few seconds to think of it - and she doesn't look a day over sixteen. What do you think we should do with her?'

'Talk to her,' said Egon, 'for a start. What did she say her name was?'

'Katie Culpeper. Well, she said Catherine first of all, but then she changed her mind and said Katie.'

'That isn't suspicious in itself - they're the same name. Catherine Culpeper? For some reason it sounds slightly familiar. Only slightly, mind you.' He paused for a moment, thinking, and then said, 'Well, we'll learn nothing until we talk to her.'

Out in the foyer, they met Roland Jackson emerging from the basement with an empty ghost trap.

'Did everything go all right?' Egon asked him.

Roland nodded. 'Without a hitch.'

'Well,' said Egon, 'that makes a nice change. You'd better come upstairs with me. I am told we have a mysterious visitor.'

~.~

Upstairs, Katie had already introduced herself to Roland's three team mates. On learning their names, she seemed happiest with Eduardo's.

'That's Spanish for Edward, isn't it?' she said.

'Yes,' Eduardo said expressionlessly.

'I haven't heard either of your names before.' She gestured to Kylie Griffin, and then to Garrett Miller. 'And I'm waiting for an Egon. Where I come from, men are usually called Thomas. Or,' she added, looking at Eduardo with a coquettish smile, 'Edward. And one or two other things. But usually Thomas. Oh, this must be Egon. Good day to you, sir.'

She stood up, dropped a curtsey and felt at her sides for a skirt. Finding none, she rose awkwardly and then sank back into her chair with a self-conscious smile.

'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I don't know the etiquette here. I've come from so far away.'

'England, Janine tells me,' said Egon. 'I'm Dr Egon Spengler. This is another one of my team, Roland Jackson.'

'Pleased to meet you,' said Roland.

Katie stared at him, blinked a few times and then looked round at the other faces in the room.

'Oh, I _am_ sorry,' she said. 'I'm afraid you'll think me frightfully odd, but I do hope you'll help me anyway. You see, I'm having trouble with a ghost.'

'So I'm told.' Egon took a seat on the sofa. 'Do tell us about it.'

'Him,' said Katie. 'I know exactly whose ghost it is. It's King Henry the Eighth.'

Everyone was silent. Garrett was the first to give echo: 'King Henry the Eighth?'

'Yes,' said Katie, with another of her sheepish little smiles.

'How can you be so sure it's him?' asked Kylie.

'Ky, come on,' said Garrett, before Katie had a chance to answer. 'Henry the Eighth is Henry the Eighth. We've all seen the pictures.'

'If you're talking about that great big portrait that has become so famous,' said Katie, 'I should like to point out that he wasn't always big and bearded and ginger-haired with a smelly old ulcer on his leg, and he doesn't look like that now. He's a ghost. He's gone back to his prime. But I know it's him all right.'

'_How_ do you know?' asked Egon. 'Did he tell you he was Henry the Eighth?'

'He doesn't have to tell me.'

'Why not?'

'Because I know,' said Katie. 'Does it really matter _how_ I know? I just _know_!'

'All right,' Roland said soothingly. 'We believe you. Now, what exactly is the problem?'

'It's a bit difficult to explain,' said Katie. 'You see, he's there all the time. He keeps me a prisoner, and I have to do… well, whatever he wants, really.'

'What do you mean a prisoner?' asked Egon. 'A prisoner where?'

'Well… like I say, it's hard to explain.'

'If you're a prisoner, you must be _somewhere_,' said Kylie. 'Is it in your home?'

'Not exactly. It isn't… "of this world", as it were. I can't really describe it, but it doesn't matter anyway because I've managed to escape.'

'How did you manage that?' asked Garrett.

Katie frowned, her brow puckering prettily, and said, 'You do ask a lot of questions. Edward, _you're_ quiet. These are all silly questions, don't you think? It's all beside the point. What matters is that Henry is causing me trouble.'

'My name's Eduardo,' he said, giving no opinion on the matter she had raised.

'Well,' said Roland, 'we at least need to know where to find him.'

'Oh, that's all right,' said Katie. 'He'll find me.'

'Okay,' said Garrett. 'And in the meantime…?'

'I'll stay here with you.'

There was a long silence, which Katie did her best to fill with an endearing smile. The five Ghostbusters all exchanged looks, each wondering what on earth they should do with this strange girl.

Finally Roland said, 'Maybe it would be better if you went home, and you can call us if Henry the Eighth shows up.'

'I can't go home,' said Katie. 'I've travelled a long way to get here.'

'From England?' asked Egon.

'Well… you could say that.'

'Really? And what else could I say?'

'Oh,' said Katie, rising to her feet, 'you are all simply horrid! I suppose you know who I am! Oh, no, wait a minute… of course you don't.' She heaved an almighty sigh, and then turned to Eduardo, saying in pathetic tones, 'You _will_ help me, won't you, Edward?'

Eduardo raised his eyebrows. 'Why are you asking me, Catalina?'

Katie puckered her brow again, and said, 'Don't call me that. We aren't in Spain.'

'No, we're in New York, and my name's not Edward.'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' said Katie, smoothing out her brow and looking troubled. 'It's just that that's the way we used to do it back when… where I come from. This all feels dreadfully strange to me. You mustn't be offended, but I have to say, not one of you looks like a scholar _or_ a soldier to me. You aren't what I was expecting at all. Well, except you,' she added, looking at Egon. 'I'm sorry I stared at the rest of you. I did stare - I know I did. I just didn't expect that people… well, that things would be so _different_. If you don't mind, I think I'd like to go away and think about what I ought to do next. Is there somewhere I can go and be on my own for a bit?'

'Of course,' said Egon, rising to his feet, while the four younger Ghostbusters tried to fathom this extraordinary speech. 'There's a bedroom upstairs. I'll show you.'

'Oh, thank you,' said Katie. 'But don't you think Kylie ought to show me?'

'Why?' asked Kylie.

'Well, a man showing me to a bedroom… I don't think Henry would like it.'

'Oh,' said Egon, 'I wasn't planning to, um…'

'Of course you weren't,' said Katie. 'I'm quite sure that here, there is nothing wrong in a man showing a woman where a bedroom is. Nothing wrong at all!'

Quite suddenly, Katie burst into tears. Kylie rushed over to her, took her by the elbows and began to lead her upstairs.

'It's all right,' she said. 'We'll help you. There's no need to cry.'

'I'm sorry,' said Katie. 'It's just that this is all so strange… so strange…'

'_She's_ strange,' Eduardo said quietly.

'She seems to like _you_, Eddie,' said Garrett. 'I was half expecting her to ask you to show her upstairs.'

'Yeah, well, I don't think she's legal,' said Eduardo.

'She might be older than she looks,' said Egon. 'She's a little old-fashioned, isn't she?'

'You mean the bedroom thing?' asked Roland.

'Yes, that,' said Egon, 'and her surprise at not being met by a lot of white able-bodied men, and her wanting to Anglicise your name, Eduardo.'

'Hold on,' said Garrett. 'You think she wanted a bunch of white able-bodied men?'

'Not wanted,' said Egon. 'Expected.'

'This is New York,' said Eduardo. 'Why would she expect anyone to be like anything?'

'I think it's a disgusting attitude,' Garrett added. 'In this day and age!'

'Go easy on her, guys,' said Roland. 'Okay, she was surprised, but she wasn't put off by us. Clearly she's never been to New York before.'

'Clearly,' said Egon. 'And I suspect she's never been to this day and age before either.'

'What are you saying?' asked Roland. 'She's a ghost?'

'Possibly, but I can't be sure yet. I'd have liked to do a PKE reading, but she's out of her depth enough as it is, and if she wants us to believe she's alive… well, perhaps we should humour her for a while. Oh, Kylie, you're back,' said Egon, as Kylie reappeared on the stairs. 'We were just speculating as to whether or not Miss Culpeper is a ghost. What do you think? You touched her, didn't you?'

'Yes,' said Kylie. 'She felt pretty solid, but some ghosts do, don't they?'

'You don't seem surprised by the idea,' said Roland.

Kylie shrugged. 'I'm not. Ghost or no, there's something off about her.'

'I'm sure there's a clue in the name she gave us,' said Egon.

'There'd better be,' said Garrett. 'It's all we know about her.'

'We also know that she's from England,' said Egon, 'and that she's frightened of Henry the Eighth. In fact, now that I think about it, Culpeper is a name I associate with him. Do any of you know much about English history?'

'Sorry, Egon,' said Roland. 'Anything I know about Henry the Eighth is from movies.'

'Then it's probably wrong anyway,' said Kylie.

'Yeah?' said Eduardo. 'So what do _you_ know about him?'

'Not much,' said Kylie. 'I never said I did. He had six wives, and he was the father of Queen Elizabeth the First.'

'Well, _I_ know more than that,' said Egon. 'He was the father of Edward the Sixth, Mary the First _and_ Elizabeth the First. I could probably name all of his wives if I put my mind to it, but that isn't going to help us at the moment. The first thing to do is Google the name she gave Janine. Catherine Culpeper. Most of the information on the internet won't be reliably sourced and verified, of course, but it should give us an idea.'

'She wasn't one of his wives, was she?' asked Garrett, as Roland made his way over to the computer.

'No,' said Egon, 'but there were three Catherines in all, and the name Culpeper definitely has something to do with Henry the Eighth.'

Seconds ticked by, and then Roland said, 'The entire first page of results is all about Catherine Howard, the fifth wife of Henry the Eighth, and her affair with a guy called Thomas Culpeper.'

'Ah yes, I remember,' said Egon. 'They were both beheaded for treason - is that right?'

'Yes,' said Roland, scanning Catherine Howard's Wikipedia entry. 'This Culpeper was executed a few days before Catherine, along with a Francis Dereham. Catherine was with Dereham before her marriage to the king - never during - but the king was harsher on him than anyone. He had him hung, drawn and quartered.'

'That's barbaric,' said Kylie. 'Does it say how old Catherine was?'

'No one really knows,' said Roland, 'because there's no exact record of her birth. But she was young when she married the king - maybe only fifteen.'

'So what does this mean?' asked Garrett. 'Are we assuming that girl upstairs is the ghost of this Catherine Howard?'

'We mustn't assume anything,' said Egon, 'but it seems highly probable. I wonder why she gave Culpeper's name. All we had to do was Google… Well, she didn't know that, but her involvement with him would have been famous at the time. How could she be sure we wouldn't guess straightaway?'

'Because we're across the ocean and far in the future, I guess,' said Kylie. 'And she was right, wasn't she? I never would have remembered that in a million years. So, we think she's the ghost of Catherine Howard. What are we going to do about it?'

'We can leave her alone for the time being,' said Egon. 'She's still deciding herself what _she _wants to do.'

~.~

Katie's time on her own stretched beyond the morning and well into the afternoon. Once or twice someone suggested going to check on her, but Egon insisted on waiting for her to come to them, if indeed she was still on the premises at all.

Roland spent some time reading about the reign of Henry the Eighth online. Kylie, not prepared to take her chances with information posted by any Tom, Dick or Harry, took a bus to the nearest library and returned with an armful of books. These she took down to the basement, where she settled herself on the floor to read.

It was Eduardo who came to get her some hours later. He squinted at the title of the book she was currently engrossed in, and said, '_Murder Most Royal_ by Jean Plaidy, huh? That looks like a trashy novel to me, Ky.'

Kylie frowned at him over the top of the thick paperback.

'Jean Plaidy's books,' she said, 'are thoroughly researched, and as historically accurate as they possibly can be in the absence of a time machine.'

'Who says?'

'Critics.'

'Is it good?'

'It's entertaining,' said Kylie, 'and it gives a popularised view of two of Henry's wives in particular. It basically says Catherine Howard was a spoilt brat who went around sleeping with everybody while she was still a child.'

'Well, what does Jean Plaidy know? Why not read all those textbooks you brought?'

Kylie got to her feet. 'Why don't you?' she said picking up the heaviest book she could see and shoving it into Eduardo's stomach. He made a sound as the wind was knocked out of him, and wrapped his arms around the hardback to keep it from falling on his feet.

'The guys who wrote those books don't really know any better than Jean Plaidy,' Kylie went on. 'They've done just the same as her: got together all the records and letters and things they could find, and pieced them together into a story. But the difference is that they're bland. They tell us what Catherine Howard did, but they don't attempt to explain _why_, or who she was, or how she and Henry or she and Culpeper felt about each other.'

'But she doesn't know - '

'I know she doesn't! But everything she wrote is _possible_, and the chances are she might even be right about a little part of it. It's better than nothing.'

'We don't have nothing,' said Eduardo. 'We have Catherine Howard herself upstairs.'

'We don't know that.'

'No, not yet, but we _do _know we have Jane Seymour up there.'

Kylie blinked. 'What?'

'That's why I came down here to get you. A few minutes ago we heard Katie and some other chick fighting upstairs, and when Egon went to check it out, he found this Jane Seymour woman.'

'Well why didn't you say so?' Kylie began a purposeful march towards the staircase. 'Do you know who Jane Seymour was?'

'Sure.' Eduardo picked up _Murder Most Royal_ before following her. 'Another wife.'

'The third,' said Kylie, as they made their way through the foyer and up the next flight of stairs. 'She gave Henry his only son, Edward, and then died a few days later. When Henry died he was buried with her according to his wishes. What's she doing _here_?'

'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'Why don't you ask her?'

'I will.'

They found Egon, Garrett and Roland assembled at the bottom of the final flight of stairs. From above wafted Katie's youthful tones in argument with a softer, quieter female voice.

'They asked us to leave,' said Egon, 'being men. Kylie, would you mind…?'

'Not at all,' said Kylie, and she began to ascend.

~.~

Based on what she could hear and had been told, the scene Kylie found in the bedroom was much as she expected. Katie was arguing with a rather beautiful, fair-haired woman in a Tudor gown not unlike those conjured to mind by the descriptions of Jean Plaidy.

'Catherine, please,' this woman was saying. 'You must come back. Come now, and the king will show you mercy.'

'No he won't,' said Katie. 'I've heard that before. The king never shows mercy.'

'What nonsense, child! _You_ were lucky not to be burnt.'

'I'm not going. You can't make me. Why send _you_, anyway? Why not come himself? I bet I know. It's because he's frightened of these people. He knows they can protect me.'

'Can we?' said Kylie, and Katie spun round in surprise and alarm.

'Of course you can,' she said, composing herself quickly. 'You exterminate ghosts, don't you? Look, here's one come to bother me now,' and she pointed at the woman that was reputedly Jane Seymour.

'Katie,' Kylie said evenly. 'I'm going to ask you a question, and I want an honest answer. Are you the ghost of Catherine Howard?'

Katie was silent, but the look on her face gave away the answer.

'It's all right,' said Kylie. 'It makes no difference to me. Sometimes we help ghosts as well as people, if they need it.'

'Do you really?' asked Katie.

'Yeah, sure.'

'Oh, all right then,' and with that Katie began to strip off her twentieth-century clothing. Beneath her red pullover she wore an elaborately jewelled bodice, and the removal of her jeans revealed that she had managed to stuff several layers of skirts into the legs.

'There,' she said, smoothing down the skirts and fluffing them out. 'Now what?'

'Now you both come downstairs with me,' said Kylie, 'and we'll see about your problem.'

~.~

Jane and Katie sat side by side on the sofa, Jane looking anxious while Katie did most of the talking. Janine had joined Egon and the four younger Ghostbusters to listen to what the two Tudor queens had to say. All listened attentively, apart from Eduardo, who was flicking through _Murder Most Royal_.

'It's just like I said,' Katie began. 'We're stuck with Henry and it's simply awful. It's not just me, you know. It's Jane as well, and Anne.'

'Which Anne?' asked Kylie.

Katie gave her a scornful look that would not have seemed out of place on a modern day teenager. 'Which do you think?'

'Anne Boleyn, I suppose,' said Kylie. 'Henry's marriage to Anne of Cleves was annulled quickly and amicably. There's no reason why he should have any hold over her now.'

'Quite,' said Katie. 'Lucky old her, eh?'

'Catherine, really,' said Jane. 'You shouldn't be saying any of this. He's our husband!'

'Oh, shut up, Jane,' said Katie, then she turned her gaze back towards Kylie. 'He still sees Anne of Cleves socially sometimes. They ended up the best of friends, funnily enough.'

'Hold on a minute,' said Garrett. 'I'm getting lost. Can someone please fill the rest of us in on the whole story?'

'Try reading _Murder Most Royal_,' said Eduardo. 'I can tell you what happened… more or less. Henry's first wife was Catherine of Aragon.'

'You'd like her, Eduardo,' said Katie. 'She was Spanish, and sickeningly nice.'

'She was a saint on Earth,' Jane said with passion.

'And she's not with you guys and Henry?' asked Kylie.

'No,' said both Jane and Katie.

'Henry had his marriage to her annulled by some archbishop,' said Eduardo.

'Thomas Cranmer,' said Kylie, Katie and Jane.

'Right, so… isn't she in the same situation as that other Anne?'

'Not really,' said Kylie. 'That annulment was never sanctified by the Pope. Henry took advantage of the religious upheaval going on in Europe - rebellion against stuff like Catholic priests selling tickets to Heaven, and stuff like that - to create the Church of England, so that he could have his own minister declare his marriage to Catherine null and void. He had the Bible translated into English and made available to the masses, with the invention of the printing press, so the priests couldn't make it all up and scare people into giving them money - it's actually very interesting. But anyway, the point is that Cranmer then married him to Anne Boleyn. So… only one of them could be his true wife.'

'Doesn't that mean either Mary or Elizabeth had to be illegitimate?' asked Roland.

'Princess Mary was the sweetest, noblest and most legitimate child ever to live,' said Jane. 'Her parents' marriage was sanctioned by God. Anne was never his true wife.'

'But Anne's with him now, right?' said Garrett. 'So, why her and not Catherine?'

'It's probably what Henry wants,' said Katie. 'He was determined that Anne should be his true wife, and no one - not even the Pope - could tell him he was wrong. Or so I hear.'

'Besides,' said Jane, 'there can be no torment for dear Queen Catherine after death. She is in Heaven.'

Eduardo looked up from the book. 'Do you know that for sure?'

'I know it in my heart, sir.'

'Well, anyway, the point is she's not with Henry,' said Kylie. 'You want to fill us in on wife number two, bookworm?'

'Anne Boleyn, like you were saying,' said Eduardo. 'Henry wasn't happy with Catherine because she hadn't given him a son, and she was getting old, and he got all obsessed with this Anne woman because she refused to be his mistress. So his chief minister Thomas Cromwell pretty much set up the Church of England and found Cranmer and everything, but then Anne only gave him a daughter and a stillborn son. So Henry had Cromwell prove that she was having a bunch of affairs, even though she wasn't. Cromwell tortured this guy Mark Smeaton until he confessed, and he got a bunch of Anne's ladies in waiting to say she'd had affairs with five other men, including her own brother. They were all beheaded, and Anne was done the next day, by some French guy who used a sword instead of an axe and was supposed to be really good. That was Henry being merciful.'

'Very good,' said Kylie. 'You _can_ read.'

'Their marriage was annulled as well,' said Jane, 'on the grounds that he was seduced by witchcraft. So I suppose even Henry no longer thinks she's his true wife.'

'What you forget, Jane,' said Katie, 'is that Henry actually loved Anne, once upon a time. He loved all of us. It wasn't just you.'

'Catherine, I know,' said Jane. 'Well, _I_ can tell you what happened next. He married me. He was wooing me even while Anne was under trial. He did begin to turn against me, you know, when I didn't conceive for a few months… and when I tried to suggest that England should return to the true faith. After all, he didn't need his blasphemous Reform anymore, did he? But he managed to subdue me, and then - in a nutshell - I gave birth to our son Edward and died a few days later, when he loved me more than ever he had.'

'Lucky old you,' said Katie.

'You didn't have to commit your treason, Catherine.'

'Come on, you two, don't bicker,' said Kylie. 'Come on, Eduardo, what's next?'

Eduardo was quickly scanning the pages of the book, determined to keep up.

'Anne of Cleves,' he said, 'who we've already talked about. It was a political marriage, arranged by that Cromwell dude.'

'Cromwell wanted her because she was a heretic,' said Jane. 'That man was the Devil's messenger indeed. Of course, his determination that the king should marry Anne had more than a little to do with the charges of treason _and_ heresy brought against him.'

'Let's stick to basics, shall we?' said Garrett. 'What happened with the second Anne?'

'Henry liked her portrait,' said Eduardo, 'but when he saw her in person he thought she was ugly. He had to go through with the marriage, because… well, because of some political stuff… but then he decided she was just too much not his type and had the marriage annulled. They stayed friends, like Katie was saying. She got a good divorce package and was called "sister" by Henry.'

'Okay, so he's not making _her_ afterlife miserable,' said Kylie. 'Makes sense, kind of. Go on, Eduardo. What happened next?'

'Me, of course,' said Katie, catching Eduardo's slight look of panic as he tried to absorb the entire second half of the novel in a few seconds. 'You've already been reading about me, haven't you? Slut, spoilt trophy wife, adulterer, treasoner… Is that a word?'

'In this book,' said Eduardo, 'you're coming across as young and really, really stupid, and not much else. You're with that Dereham guy, and you have to hide him from the - um - "dowager duchess" when she comes to take you to meet the king's men.'

'That's her step-grandmother,' said Kylie. 'Her parents sent her there to be primed for life at court, but actually she was really lax, and her charges were all sleeping with each other.'

'That's a bit of an exaggeration,' said Katie. 'Well, I did sleep with Francis, but I wasn't just then. Anyway, who wants to finish off? Why isn't wife number six with us?'

'That's easy,' said Kylie. 'Henry left Catherine Parr a widow. She remarried, had a child and died not long after. She was nothing to do with Henry anymore.'

'She is surely with Thomas,' said Jane. 'Dear, dear Thomas, and their daughter. What a wonderful thing to be with her child.'

'Which Thomas?' asked Eduardo, flicking through the book once more. 'You were right, Katie, almost everyone was called Thomas.'

'Thomas Seymour,' said Jane. 'My brother.'

'Catherine Parr married your brother?' said Kylie. 'How did I miss that?'

'Because it's not really mentioned in _Murder Most Royal_,' said Eduardo. 'It's all about Anne Boleyn and then you, Katie.'

'How does Anne come across?' asked Katie.

'Like a total victim. Completely faultless.'

'Well,' said Katie, 'I think you ought to put that book away, or even better, burn it. It's obviously nonsense from start to finish.'

'All right,' said Egon, 'so now we know the story…'

'The basics of it,' said Jane.

Egon nodded. 'Indeed, but even if I knew every last detail, I don't think I'd be any the wiser. This isn't science. It's politics. I really can't understand why you two, and Anne Boleyn, are in this situation.'

'What does it matter why?' asked Katie. 'The point is, we _are_ in it, and we just need you to dispose of Henry for us.'

'Catherine, hush!' said Jane. 'He may hear you!'

'Is he here?' asked Egon.

'Not that I can tell,' said Katie.

'But he's always watching,' added Jane.

'Until he materialises,' said Egon, 'there's really nothing we can do. And _if_ he decides to put in an appearance… well, what do you all think? This case is most unusual. It must be the first time we've had a ghost coming to complain about a ghost.'

'I'll tell you what I think,' said Roland, making his presence known at last. 'This Henry sounds like a tyrant and a bully, and I don't think we should discriminate just because he's not threatening the living. You can't treat people like that, dead or alive.'

'Interesting,' said Egon. 'Janine, what do you think?'

'Well,' said Janine, 'it would be hard to know what to do about the paperwork. I mean, Catherine Howard's ghost isn't going to be able to pay us, is she?'

'Oh, a mercenary,' said Katie. 'You really ought to help us, you know, if you have an ounce of compassion. Our situation is simply dreadful!'

'Hey,' said Janine. 'I have more than an ounce of compassion. I just don't want to judge a situation I know nothing about.'

'And besides,' said Garrett, 'your ghost isn't even here. He might never show up.'

'He will,' said Jane. 'He sent me after Catherine, and I daren't go back without her. If neither of us goes back, he'll come for us.'

'Or maybe,' said Eduardo, 'he'll send someone else.'

Everyone looked at him, and then followed his gaze to where a third ghost was standing. She was dark-haired, with two prominent moles on her face and a choker at her throat.

'Anne Boleyn, I presume,' said Kylie.

'The one and only,' said Anne, a smile spreading across her strange but striking face. 'My dear, I am so happy to be here. You a Ghostbuster, with all these men your equals! Oh, how I wish I could have been born on the same day as you. And you are quite wrong, good sir,' she added, looking at Eduardo. 'I was not sent. Katie, darling!'

Anne held out her hands, and Katie rushed over to clasp them in her own.

'Katie,' said Anne, 'cousin!'

'Really?' Eduardo started flicking hastily through the book.

'Oh Katie,' said Anne. 'Dear Katie. You clever, clever girl.'

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**We Three Queens**

Chapter 2

As no one was quite sure what to do about the situation, they all dispersed and set about their own business. Egon wanted to interview all three ghosts, and Katie volunteered to be the first. Janine went back to her desk and ordered a new windscreen for the Ecto-1, as was often necessary. Garrett had a class to go to, so Roland offered to drive him. Jane paced up and down, fretting quietly and wringing her hands. Slimer went to the kitchen.

Kylie wanted to go on with her reading, but she was cornered by Anne, and soon found herself deep in conversation. When it became clear that Kylie was going to be some time, as Anne was so full of questions about world history, Eduardo skulked off unobserved to the basement and began thumbing through some of the library books.

'Could we move away from Jane?' asked Anne, once Kylie had given her a run-down of everything that she knew had happened since Columbus discovered America for Europe. 'She's putting me off, pacing up and down like that.'

'Oh, Anne!' said Jane. 'Henry will be so angry! So very, very angry!'

'Then go back to him,' said Anne.

'I can't. Not without Catherine.'

'Let's just go into the kitchen,' said Kylie, not wanting to stray too far from Jane.

Once they were in the kitchen, Anne's attention was caught by Slimer, who was devouring the contents of the fridge.

'I noticed that before,' said Anne. 'What is it?'

'Just a ghost,' said Kylie. 'He's kind of a pet.'

'_Whose_ ghost?'

'We don't know.'

'How curious that it should eat,' said Anne. 'I haven't eaten in centuries. I simply don't want to. I'm sure your friend doesn't _need_ to eat, but he must _feel_ like it.'

'I guess so,' said Kylie. 'Hey, Slimer. Will you go and keep an eye on Jane?'

Slimer made an agreeable noise, grabbed a final armful of food and took it with him into the next room. Kylie and Anne sat down at the kitchen table.

'Jane won't do anything,' said Anne. 'She never does.'

'Did you want to talk about anything in particular?' asked Kylie.

'I just want to know what you can do about Henry.'

'We don't know yet.'

'Not what you're _going_ to do, dear,' said Anne. 'What you _can_ do.'

'Oh.' Kylie furrowed her brow in thought, not sure how much she should say. 'If he does appear here, we can dispose of him, but I'm not sure that's really the best thing to do. I mean, putting Henry the Eighth in the containment unit doesn't seem right somehow.'

'I don't see why not,' said Anne.

'Well, just suppose we did do that. What would happen to you three?'

'We would be free, I am certain. Before Henry died, I was with my family. My brother and my sister; my daughter; even my stillborn son! I assume Jane was with her boy, and goodness knows what little Katie was doing, but I expect she was happy enough. Then suddenly… there we all were.'

'He didn't get all of you, though,' said Kylie.

'He didn't _want_ all of us.'

'You don't know that. Maybe he wanted Catherine Parr, but a stronger force kept her with her husband and child. Maybe he wanted Catherine of Aragon, but she had the most tremendous faith in God, and somehow that kept her apart from him.'

'That doesn't make sense,' said Anne. 'She would have wanted to be with him in Heaven. To the day she died, she swore that she was his true wife. She and I…'

'What?'

Anne looked away, seemingly ashamed.

'Why am I asking?' said Kylie. 'I know what you did to her. You kept her away from her daughter because neither of them would acknowledge you as the true queen.'

'I didn't _want_ to keep them apart,' said Anne. 'I wanted them to acknowledge me, and I thought they would when the pain of separation became too much. Don't you see? If the king's first wife accepted me as queen, what quarrel could the rest of England have? Well… I suppose I did do wrong by them. Why try and justify my actions now? It was all so very long ago. We all regret what we did, of course. All three of us. Maybe that's what keeps the other three wives away from him. They have no regrets.'

Just then Slimer shot into the room, cannoned into Kylie and began gabbling frantically.

'What is it?' said Kylie, wiping slime from her cheek with the back of her hand.

'Dear me, yes, a _charming_ pet,' said Anne, wrinkling her nose in disgust. 'Have you ever considered a spaniel?'

'No. I have a cat at home.'

'A kitchen animal? How curious. Well, what does he want?'

'I don't know,' said Kylie, standing up and going to the kitchen doorway, where at once she turned round again. 'Anne… it looks like Henry's here.'

Anne stood up and joined Kylie in the doorway, ducking behind her slightly. In the next room stood a tall, well muscled man with flowing blond hair. Jane was kneeling at his feet, crying. Kylie was ready to rush in and intervene if Henry started getting violent, but she soon saw that he was being quite gentle, and even kind.

'Come, Jane,' he said. 'Do not weep.'

'I am sorry, My Lord,' said Jane. 'I couldn't persuade her to come, and then Anne…'

'I know, my love. It is not your fault. Catherine is a disobedient minx, and Anne is no more than a sly, plotting witch. I shall bring them back myself, Jane. Come now. You did your best for me. You always do your best for me.'

'Yes, My Lord. I try.'

'Come now, sweetheart.' He held out his hand, and Jane took it. 'Return with me.'

Jane began to rise to her feet, and as she did so, she and Henry disappeared from view.

'So,' said Anne, 'he intends to come back for us. Well, I shall have to think about what I am going to say when he does.'

'What about Jane?' asked Kylie. 'What happens to her now?'

'She goes back to being abused by the ghost of our husband.'

'Abused? Anne, I'm finding this a little confusing.' Kylie made her way to the sofa as she talked, and sat down. 'I didn't think Jane _did_ have any regrets, and Henry died loving her. All my books say she was the only one of his queens he truly loved.'

Anne's reaction was remarkable. As her expression darkened, so did the atmosphere of the room, and the temperature seemed to drop significantly.

'They say _that_, do they?' she said, her eyes glowing red. 'And who wrote these books, may I ask? Henry loved Catherine, and then he loved me, and he loved his other two Catherines as well. We were unlucky not to bear him sons. As Jane died so soon after giving birth to Edward, of _course_ Henry found no fault with her. Of _course _he used to say he loved her. Because Jane died when she did, he had no reason to tire of her or to be angry with her. But the fault came in the end. Why could she not have lived long enough to bear him another son? What if Edward did not produce heirs of his own? And of course, he didn't. He died young, and whose fault was that? Why, his mother's of course! She died and left Henry only a weak and feeble son!'

'I see,' Kylie said quietly. 'So now Jane's afterlife is no better than yours, right?'

'No better at all. You know what happened next, don't you? Well, that Lady Jane person was queen for nine days, but no one really cares about that. Catherine's daughter Mary came next, and try as she might she could not produce an heir. Mind you, he couldn't blame that on any of us.'

'But then came Elizabeth,' said Kylie. '_Your_ daughter. Henry must have seen what a great leader she was. In a sense, Anne… well, you won, didn't you?'

'Yes,' said Anne, 'I think I did. But even Elizabeth had her faults. She would not marry, you see, so of course she had no heirs. She had my spirit and wilfulness. According to Henry, I am the reason she would not put herself under the influence of a man.'

'He sounds really unreasonable.'

'He was a king, Kylie.'

Kylie did not know what to say, so she and Anne sat in silence for some time until Janine popped her head round the door to say, 'Egon would like to see either Anne or Jane now.'

'Jane's gone,' said Kylie.

'Gone? Gone where?'

'Who knows? Back with Henry to wherever they came from.'

'Why?'

'Because she is weak,' said Anne. 'I'll go and talk to Egon, then, shall I? What peculiar names you all have, I must say. Where is my cousin?'

'I don't know,' said Janine. 'Around.'

'She's silly if she's gone off on her own. Henry could snatch her back just like that.'

As Anne walked off with Janine, Kylie made an attempt to go back to her books, but again she was stopped by a ghost. This time it was the ghost of Henry the Eighth.

~.~

Katie had no intention of going off on her own. She found herself drawn to the basement, where Eduardo was studying Kylie's books on the Tudors with interest. Katie, appearing in a pall of mist just behind him, said, 'Anything interesting in there?'

Eduardo cried out, dropped his book and then, registering whose voice it was, let out a sound of both exasperation and relief.

'Don't do that!'

'Sorry.'

'So what did Egon ask you?'

'Just to describe how it is with Henry, really. Now, what about these books? What do they say about me?'

'Most of them,' said Eduardo, 'say that you had your thing with Culpeper because you were desperate to have a baby. Obviously you would have pretended it was the king's.'

'That isn't true,' said Katie. 'I had my "thing" with Culpeper because I was young and silly and I wanted to.'

'So why did you marry the king?'

'The same reason. He gave me everything. My parents sent me away, and I can't say I was exactly happy with the dowager duchess.'

'You knew the penalty for treason,' said Eduardo.

'Of course,' said Katie. 'Everyone knew what happened to Anne.'

'So why did you do it?'

'Why, why, why? The answer is always going to be the same, Eduardo. I was young. I didn't think I was going to get caught because, well, when you're young and stupid you expect to get away with everything. Don't you think I wish I hadn't done it?'

'I'm sure you do,' said Eduardo.

'I ask myself the same question,' said Katie. '_Why_? I know there's no good reason. I'm not young anymore, you know, and I'm not stupid. I'm over four hundred years old.'

'You sound it,' said Eduardo. 'Now. But you didn't. Why don't you act your age?'

'Why don't you?'

'I asked first.'

'Oh, all right,' said Katie. 'Because it's easier not to. If I pretend to be a silly young girl, the king lets me get away with things. He's used to me being like that. Anne annoys him awfully, because she's clever and she doesn't pretend not to be. Jane pretends to be stupid, but she can't act like a child. I can. I find Henry easier if I behave as I always used to. Does that make sense?'

'I guess so.'

'Good. Now why don't you?'

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Well,' said Katie, 'all that competing with Kylie over who knew more about us. You seemed to want your friends to think that was the only reason you were reading, but you must be genuinely interested because you've sneaked down here to read more about us. I mean, why not do it openly?'

Eduardo shrugged, and said, 'It's my business if I want to read about Henry the Eighth.'

'I don't believe you ever say what you think,' said Katie. 'You would have made a good diplomat. Well, I'm going back upstairs. Will you come with me? You can protect me if I meet Henry on the way.'

~.~

'What do you want?' asked Kylie, a little frightened, and wishing she was within reaching distance of a weapon.

'To talk,' said Henry.

'Why?'

'I've been listening.'

'And…?'

'You despise me,' said Henry.

'No,' said Kylie. 'I don't even know you.'

'Indeed, My Lady, you do not. You listen to my wives, who malign me. I do not want you to think me a monster.'

'Why do you care what I think?'

'You must understand,' said Henry, ignoring the question. 'My father was the first king to win the throne in battle since William the Conqueror. My wives' failure to produce male children made me seem weak. I could not show England a weak king, My Lady, and I had to continue my father's line. I had to protect what he had fought for. His older son died a young man. I was the only hope of carrying on the succession.'

'Your father had daughters,' said Kylie. 'I've read all about it. After Elizabeth, the next king was a direct descendent of your sister, and therefore of your father. It's all fine.'

'You are like Anne,' said Henry.

Kylie blinked in surprise. 'I am not!'

'Good lady, you are. You are strong and wilful.'

'Look, not every strong and wilful woman is like Anne.'

'When I lived,' said Henry, 'women were weak.'

'No they weren't. They were seen and treated as weak by men.'

'I was desperate to continue the succession through the male line. I failed. I know that now. But My Lady, you must understand. Everything I did was for my father's legacy.'

'You shouldn't keep your wives prisoner,' said Kylie, amazed at her own boldness. He seemed nice enough now, but Henry the Eighth was famously volatile. 'Let them go.'

Henry laughed, and said, 'Do you command me, madam?'

'Don't laugh at me, Henry.'

'You ought really to call me Your Majesty.'

'No way. I'm not your subject. You're not king here, and you never were.'

'Dear lady,' said Henry, 'you have in you a fire to match my own. I should like to find that fire and try to quench it, and if it should burn me, then yea, my own fire shall burn twice as fiercely. Farewell for now, dear lady.'

He made a move as if to grab her hand, but Kylie stepped back instinctively, and Henry did not pursue the gesture. He simply disappeared, smiling and staring lingeringly at her face as he did so. Kylie was left standing there, dazed, until Eduardo and Katie appeared.

'Kylie?' said Katie. 'Are you all right?'

'Um…' Kylie shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind. 'I think Henry the Eighth just made a pass at me.'

'He was here?' said Katie.

'That figures,' said Eduardo.

Kylie looked at him, frowning slightly. 'What do you mean?'

'You seem like his type.'

'In what way?'

'Well, you're… different.'

'What do you mean, different?'

'Well,' said Eduardo, 'look at Katie, and look at Anne. They're both attractive in their own ways, but…'

'What he means to say,' said Katie, skipping over to Kylie with a silly grin on her face, 'is that you are unconventionally beautiful. Look at this face!' and she grabbed said face in both hands. 'You have a rather _different_ sort of beauty, like Anne's and like mine, though different to both. You do think I am unconventionally beautiful, don't you, Eduardo?'

'Sure,' said Eduardo. 'See, I thought that maybe Anne of Cleves wasn't really ugly - or not to everyone, anyway - just because Henry the Eighth said she was. Maybe she was even pretty in a really usual kind of way that Henry didn't find interesting.'

'Actually,' said Katie, 'I thought she _was_ rather pretty. But Henry didn't choose her, you see. He chose me and Anne and Catherine Parr and Jane. Eduardo's right - Anne and Catherine and I were all beautiful in our own special ways. But Jane is simply lovely in the usual way, isn't she? I suppose she's the exception to the rule.'

'Well,' said Eduardo, 'Henry didn't choose Jane _all_ by himself, did he? She was put in his way by her brothers when we he was getting sick of Anne not having any sons. He was already planning to get rid of her and have a new wife, and I think maybe Jane's main attraction was that she looked and behaved nothing like Anne.'

'That could really easily be true,' Katie said brightly. 'After all, he went from an arranged marriage with a good Catholic wife to, well, to Anne. Then from Anne to Jane, and then he let himself be persuaded to marry Anne of Cleves, and then he had me. He went from a political match with a sensible German, to a silly slip of a girl who had no idea how to behave at court. Then after me he chose a twice-widowed, mature, obedient little wifey. Well, she _was_ a bit of a heretic, but the point is I think Eduardo's right.'

'Well,' said Kylie, 'you know Henry better than either of us. But look, none of that has anything to do with whether I'm Henry's type. Anyway, where did all that come from? It isn't something you read in _Murder Most Royal_.'

'I've been thinking about it, okay?' said Eduardo. 'Sometimes I think about things. And as for you being Henry's type… well, if he made a pass at you, then you probably are.'

~.~

Some hours later, Roland and Garrett returned to the firehouse. They found Janine at her desk, snowed under with work, and were shooed away when they tried to say hello. On their way upstairs they met no one, until they reached the kitchen and found Anne Boleyn admiring the electric kettle.

'Hi, Anne,' said Garrett. Anne turned to look at him.

'When Mark Smeaton spoke to me as an equal,' she said, 'I reminded him of his place. But I suppose I have no place here, in this strange new time and this strange new country.'

'Sure you have a place,' said Roland. 'It's just not the same as the one you had when you were alive.'

'Which means you can't talk down to us,' Garrett added.

'I wasn't intending to,' said Anne. 'I was just thinking about things.'

'Are you okay?' asked Roland. 'Have we missed anything? I guess Henry hasn't done anything to you, as you're still here.'

'He's not in the containment unit already, is he?' said Garrett. 'Don't say we missed all the action!'

'You didn't miss much,' said Anne. 'Jane's gone, but that's about all.'

'Gone?' said Roland. 'Gone where?'

'Back with Henry. He came to get her, and she went. Katie and I are still here because he hasn't bothered coming to find us just yet. Perhaps he just started with Jane because he knew she'd be the easiest.'

'In what way the easiest?' asked Roland. 'I mean, if he has as much power over you all as you seem to think, couldn't he take you all just as easily?'

'I'd have thought he could,' said Anne. 'Oh, I don't know. Let's talk about something else. So, you two have been to an institute of learning today, have you?'

'Yes,' Roland and Garrett said in unison.

'Wolsey used to put a lot of money into his university,' said Anne. 'It wasn't for people like you. They were for men who wanted to be philosophers and doctors and priests and lawyers and such.'

'We could be philosophers and doctors and priests and lawyers if we wanted to,' said Garrett, a little defensively. 'Actually, I'm studying to be a physical therapist.'

'Are you?' said Anne. 'What's that?'

'Well… it's kind of like a doctor.'

'How times have changed.'

'They have,' said Roland. 'In this day and age, Anne, you could have been any of those things yourself. Well… there's not much demand for philosophers anymore, but…'

'Do you mean that?' said Anne. 'Could I really have been _any_ of those things?'

'Yes,' said Roland, 'but if you wanted to be a priest you couldn't be Catholic.'

'I wasn't a Catholic anyway. Do you mean to tell me that the Protestant Church allows female priests, and the Catholic Church does not? Do you know, I'm not surprised a bit. I expect the Catholic Church is still crawling with Wolseys, isn't it?'

'Catherine of Aragon's the one who's in Heaven, though, isn't she?' Garrett said.

Anne gave him a poisonous look. 'We don't know that. She could be anywhere. God may have sent her to attend to Satan's latrine for the crime of listening to those loathsome priests who shrouded His words in Latin and swindled the people in His name.'

'Um.' Garrett didn't know what to say. 'Yeah, maybe. So anyway… Henry was here, was he? Didn't anyone do anything about him?'

'Evidently not,' said Anne.

'Cool,' said Garrett. 'Let's you and me stick around, Roland, and maybe he'll come back. We hardly ever get to do anything interesting.'

'I shouldn't worry about that,' said Anne. 'Being interesting is awfully dangerous. Look at what happened to me. Sometimes Henry gets me to walk round the Tower of London, you know, with my head under my arm, to ensure that his power will never be forgotten. Dear Katie and I can both take our heads off at will. Would you like to see?'

'Well, maybe not right now,' said Roland, just as Garrett said, 'Sure!'

'All right.' Smiling, Anne reached up and plucked her head from her neck, then tucked it under her right arm. 'It's a very clean cut, isn't it? That Frenchman was quite as good as everyone said he was. Do you know, I think I might be the most famous headless ghost in England. That's quite impressive, isn't it?'

'Yeah, real nice for you,' said Garrett, meeting her eyes beneath the crook of her elbow.

'I am sorry you hardly ever get to do anything interesting,' said Anne. 'Oh well, who knows? If you're patient, you may be able to do something interesting with me.'

The effect of these words was dramatic. A mighty wind whipped up around them, and a moment later a raging ghost with billowing blond hair was filling the room.

'Traitors!' he roared, pointing at Roland and Garrett with a colossal forefinger. 'What do my eyes tell me? That my wife now chooses to keep company with the likes of you? Oh God, how you torment me! No wonder the witch's son died misshapen and deformed in her womb, if her father was any man such as these!'

'What's that supposed to mean?' said Garrett.

'Garrett,' hissed Roland, 'don't get into an argument with him!'

'Henry, for goodness' sake, stop!' Within seconds, Anne stood between Henry and the two Ghostbusters, her head now balanced perfectly on her neck once again.

'Witch!' bellowed Henry. 'You do not command me, woman! Why did you remove your head for these beasts? Was it some whore's trick you learned at the French court?'

'I didn't learn that in France, Henry,' said Anne. 'Come away. Leave these men alone.'

'They are traitors!'

'They never touched me. No one has touched me but you.'

'Ha! You lie! Thomas Wyatt touched you!'

'Leave Thomas Wyatt out of this!' said Anne. 'It was just a silly little love affair before I even met you! You know I have always been a true wife to you, Henry! Now do come away. Leave these men be.'

Suddenly Anne rose up in a plume of smoke until she was as tall as Henry. She wrapped her arms around him, and suddenly they were both gone. The violent wind died down. By this time Garrett and Roland were both clutching onto drawer and cupboard handles. They looked at each other, still very much on their guard, and then began to relax. Garrett was about to speak when Kylie, Eduardo and Katie all crowded into the doorway.

'What the hell just happened?' asked Eduardo.

'Henry was here,' said Roland. 'He was mad because he thought Anne was coming onto us, and then she… well, I don't exactly know. But they're both gone now, anyway.'

'Not for good,' said Katie. 'Well, not him, anyway. I wonder what happened there. Do you suppose he's taken Anne back?'

'I really have no idea,' said Roland.

'Who's Wolsey?' asked Garrett.

At this, Kylie and Eduardo both started talking at once.

'Oh, you two, honestly!' Katie said shrilly. Then, taking a seat at the kitchen table, she went on, 'One at a time, please. I don't know much about Wolsey myself, as it happens - he was before my time. Would you like to start, Kylie?'

Eduardo looked sulky, but said nothing.

'He was a cardinal,' said Kylie, 'and one of Henry's most trusted advisors. He - '

'Eduardo?' Katie said sweetly.

'He was corrupt,' said Eduardo. 'He had a lot of power and influence over the king, so he was able to control what happened to his enemies, and he used to embezzle money and he kept a woman and - '

'He fell out of favour with Henry when he wanted to divorce Catherine of Aragon,' said Kylie. 'Henry wanted Wolsey to make it happen, but being a cardinal Wolsey was directly under the Pope, and - '

'The Pope didn't want to know,' Eduardo said. 'So when Henry realised Wolsey couldn't do anything, he was arrested for treason and - '

'Died during his imprisonment.'

'Gosh, how interesting,' said Katie.

Garrett made a face. 'It wasn't _that_ interesting.'

'You asked, Garrett,' said Kylie.

'I know,' said Garrett. 'I thought maybe it would help us get rid of these damn ghosts - no offence, ladies - but it doesn't. I guess what would _really_ help is if Henry didn't keep catching us without our weapons.'

'Are we really going to put Henry the Eighth in the containment unit?' asked Kylie.

'Yes!' said Katie, her eyes growing wide and childlike.

'Kylie, he's bothering people,' said Eduardo. 'Okay, so they're ghosts, but we've been talking to them all day and they're definitely still people. You'll change your tune when he starts bothering _you_, I bet.'

'What's that?' said Roland.

'Nothing,' said Kylie. 'Henry the Eighth was just flirting with me a little, that's all.'

'Oh my God!' said Roland. 'Kylie, that's so dangerous!'

'No it's not,' she said dismissively. 'Two of his wives did all right, and anyway, I'm not going to marry him. The guy had dozens of mistresses, and they were all fine.'

'So what,' said Garrett, 'you're going to become his mistress?'

'No.'

'That's what Anne said,' Katie pointed out. 'You know, when he comes back for me, you should definitely put him in your unit thingy.'

Eduardo looked at her, and said, 'You don't have to worry. We'll deal with him.'

'Oh, I know,' said Katie. 'I trust you. But they are quite right, Kylie, you really ought to be careful. Henry has been known to get fixated on women. He was rather fixated on Anne of Cleves before he met her in person, and I've heard he pursued his last Catherine quite relentlessly after my death, and as for my dear cousin Anne…'

'Oh, stop it,' said Kylie. 'Nothing is going to happen. He's dead, I'm alive. He's a sixteenth-century English king, and I'm not. Why would he even be interested?'

'Because you are most terribly unconventionally beautiful, dear,' said Katie.

Kylie snorted. 'Well, what if I am? So are lots of women.'

Katie shrugged. 'All right, suit yourself. But I'd be worried if I were you.'

_To be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**We Three Queens**

Chapter 3

When not much more of the day remained, Kylie asked Garrett and Roland to tell her about their encounter with Henry in more detail, while Eduardo went to the basement to tidy up the books. Katie insisted on going with him.

'Have you read much about my death?' she asked.

Eduardo glanced up from his work. 'A little.'

'What does it say?'

'It says that you were very brave.'

'I thought I was,' said Katie, 'on the outside. On the inside I was terrified.'

'Well of course you were.'

'It was terribly frightening. Are _you_ frightened of death?'

'Yeah, I am.'

'Why?'

'_Why_?' said Eduardo, surprised by the question. 'Well, I… don't have a special reason.'

'Most people who are scared of death,' said Katie, 'are scared because they don't know what will happen afterwards. It is fear of the unknown. Eduardo, were you brought up to fear God, and thinking that you might go to Hell if you did the slightest thing wrong?'

'Well, a few people tried,' said Eduardo, 'but I never believed it.'

'Then what _did_ you think would happen?'

'I had no idea. I still don't. All I know now is that death isn't necessarily the end, at least for some people. Look… do we have to talk about this?'

'Not if you don't want to,' said Katie. 'You'll be going home now, I suppose.'

'Look, don't worry. Egon will keep an eye on you.'

'Oh yes, I'm sure.'

'I'll see you tomorrow, Katie,' said Eduardo. 'Or should I call you Catherine?'

'No, call me Katie. That's what my friends used to call me. Back when I _had _friends.'

'Okay, cool. Goodnight, Katie.'

'Goodnight, Eduardo.'

He turned his back on her big eyes and girlish smile, and made his way upstairs. As soon as he opened the door, Kylie popped up from somewhere looking anxious.

'What's up with you?' said Eduardo.

'Nothing,' said Kylie, 'I hope. Look, are you…? I mean, why _do_ you keep going down to the basement with her?'

'I don't,' said Eduardo. 'I go down to the basement because that's where you put your books, and she follows me.'

'Why?'

'I don't know. She likes me, I guess. Why do you want to know?'

Kylie hesitated a moment, then took a deep breath and said, 'Are you having an affair with Catherine Howard's ghost?'

The bigger part of Eduardo told him just to answer honestly, but somehow the smaller part won and he said, 'What's it to you?'

'Nothing. Only I don't want you to get into trouble with Henry the Eighth. You've read the books, for whatever reason. You know what he's like, and you heard what happened earlier when he thought Anne was coming onto Roland and Garrett. I got them to tell me more about it, and it sounded pretty serious.'

Eduardo, losing his defensive tone, said, 'I won't get into trouble with Henry the Eighth.'

'How do you know?'

'Because I haven't touched her.'

'That might not mean anything. You know what happened to Anne.'

'Yeah, well, you'd better be careful too. I don't want _you_ getting into trouble with Henry the Eighth either.'

'What,' said Kylie, 'this again? I can't believe he's all that interested. If he really wants a live woman, he's got the whole world to choose from. Why would he want me?'

'Stop fishing for compliments,' said Eduardo. 'Because you're there, I guess. So…'

'So?'

'Just be careful, okay?'

'Okay, fine, I'll be careful,' said Kylie. 'Now we'd better get going. Roland offered to drive us all home about an hour ago.'

~.~

When she got home, hugging the library's copy of _Murder Most Royal _to her chest, Kylie was annoyed to find that Eduardo's fears for her were justified. As soon as she entered the foyer of her building, Henry the Eighth materialised in front of her. She screamed in sheer surprise, clutching a hand to her heart, and then breathed out in relative relief. He wasn't anything to be too afraid of, she thought. Not yet.

She started with the obvious question: 'What are you doing here?'

'Do you question the king of England?' said Henry.

'You're not the king of England anymore. Where's Anne?'

'Anne? Good lady, you need not worry about Anne. I do not care for her any longer.'

'You know,' said Kylie, 'you shouldn't be so fickle. I'm going up to my room now.'

'May I accompany you?'

'No you may not!'

'Dear lady, I am the king of England,' said Henry. 'I can give you anything you desire.'

'You are not the king of England,' said Kylie, 'and I am not a prostitute. Please can you just forget this and go back to your wives?'

What a ridiculous thing, she thought, to say to Henry the Eighth. For the first time since she'd met him, she really started to worry, although she didn't think he would do anything to her that night. After all, he had pursued Anne Boleyn for years… and got her in the end. Perhaps, Kylie thought, the containment unit really was the best place for him.

'I cannot forget you,' said Henry. 'I shall yet win your heart.'

'Do you even know my name?'

'Of course I do. You are Lady Griffin. You are named for the king of birds and the king of beasts combined. Sweet lady, how I long to tame those wild animals within you, that you may belong to the king of England only!'

'You _do_ know you're dead, don't you?' Kylie asked tentatively.

'In body, yes,' said Henry, 'but I live in spirit.'

'Clearly. Look… I've had a long day and I really need to get to bed soon, okay? Alone.'

'Of course, Lady Griffin. I shall detain you no longer. Sleep well, sweet lady.'

He spread his arms and bowed his head, and then disappeared. Kylie made her way up to her attic room where she fed her cat Pagan, made herself a sandwich and settled down to an assignment on the novels of the Brontë sisters. It had nothing to do with Henry the Eighth, but he was ever present in Kylie's mind as she tried to focus on the anger issues of Edward Rochester, and on the physical and emotional abuse suffered by characters in _Wuthering Heights _and _The Tenant of Wildfell Hall_.

Eventually she gave up on finishing the assignment. She took a shower, got into bed and opened _Murder Most Royal_. Long into the night she read about Anne's failure to produce a son, her close relationship with her brother George, and Thomas Cromwell interrogating Mark Smeaton whilst having him tortured with a knotted cord around his eyes.

~.~

Kylie had a fitful night, and got up earlier than usual in the morning. She was relieved to make it to the ground floor of her building without meeting Henry the Eighth. She even dared to think that he might have given up on the idea of seducing her, until she went to retrieve her mail. When she found a small but heavy jiffy bag amongst the bills and junk mail, she did not for a moment think that Henry the Eighth had sent it. She was surprised, therefore, when the first thing she pulled out of the bag was a note that read:

_To my sweet Lady Griffin,_

_Please accept this small gift as a token of my love. Only remember this, my darling: I may be a king, but I am also a man, with a man's heart. Do not break it, I implore you, my beautiful dark angel._

_Your loving,_

_Henry Rex._

The last two words were written as a scrawling signature that strained at the edges of the spaniel puppy motif 'Thinking Of You' card that, for whatever reason, Henry had chosen. Kylie stowed this between her front teeth as she dug deeper into the jiffy bag, and her hand closed around something cold and hard. She pulled the object out and found herself staring at a gold chain that dripped down between her fingers. She opened her hand, and her eyes grew wide as she beheld there an elaborately jewelled necklace.

She closed her fist before anyone else could bustle in looking for their mail, and stuffed the necklace back into the jiffy bag. She then ran up to her room and threw the bag onto the bed. Pagan immediately began to investigate it and Kylie, wanting nothing more than human company and plenty of ghost-fighting weapons close at hand, left him to it.

~.~

Egon was woken early in the morning by the television. Assuming Slimer was watching something, he thought nothing of it. When he went downstairs about an hour later, he found Catherine Howard and Anne Boleyn making discoveries with the remote control.

'Good morning,' said Egon. 'We thought you might have left us for good, Anne.'

'No,' said Anne, 'I managed to get away again. Henry has been occupied with something else of late.'

'What's he been occupied with?' asked Egon.

'Goodness only knows.'

'We've been watching the news,' said Katie. 'Isn't it marvellous that events from all over the world can be so easily communicated to the common folk?'

'It certainly is,' said Egon.

'If there had been television in our day,' said Anne, 'our executions probably would have been broadcast to the world. Oh, hello,' she said, as Kylie entered the room. 'Are you normally here this early?'

'No.' Kylie, finding the sofa occupied by the two ghosts, sat down heavily on the coffee table just in front of them. Then she looked at Anne. 'Oh, you're back. What happened?'

'Nothing,' said Anne. 'Henry isn't too interested in me at the moment, so I've been able to come back here.'

Kylie nodded slowly. 'So you have.'

'Are you all right, Kylie?' asked Egon.

'I may have a problem.'

'Oh, you poor chicken,' said Katie, reaching across and patting Kylie's knee. 'Would you like to tell us about it? Oh, actually, move over - there's a special news bulletin.'

Kylie stood up and moved out of the queens' view of the television, while Katie grabbed the remote control and turned up the sound.

'A priceless necklace has been reported stolen from one of Queen Elizabeth's residences in England,' said the news reporter. 'The necklace is made from twenty-four carat gold, and set with a total of twenty-seven stones that include emeralds, rubies and diamonds.'

Kylie clutched the back of the sofa for support and murmured, 'Oh my God.'

'It is unlikely that the thief has been able to smuggle the item out of England,' the reporter said reassuringly, 'but anyone trading in jewellery is advised to be vigilant. Officials want it known that anyone purchasing, storing or carrying the stolen article _will_ be prosecuted, and the maximum sentence inflicted.'

'There's nothing to stop them taking it to Wales or Scotland,' said Katie, 'even if ports to Ireland are being watched. Why does no one in this country understand the difference between England and Britain? I say, Kylie, are you all right?'

'He _did_ smuggle it out of England!' Kylie said dramatically. 'It's in my bedroom!'

'Really?' said Egon.

'Yes!'

'Why?'

'Henry the Eighth put it in my mailbox this morning.'

'Oh no,' said Katie, 'that's terrible! What are you going to do?'

'I don't know!' wailed Kylie. 'Egon, what should I do?'

'Well, let's not panic,' said Egon, though he was himself worried about the situation. 'If you could find Henry the Eighth and explain things to him, perhaps he could be persuaded to return the, um… what was it?'

'A necklace,' Kylie said numbly, 'with about a gazillion jewels in it.'

'Only twenty-seven,' said Anne. 'That's nothing. Egon, you clearly don't know Henry.'

'I have never claimed to know him personally,' Egon said peevishly.

'Well,' said Anne, 'I know him very well indeed, and I can assure you that he won't be persuaded to do _anything_. What is more, if Kylie rejects that necklace then he'll only send her more gifts.'

'Bigger ones,' said Katie. 'Crowns and dresses and spaniel puppies, probably.'

'Oh God!' moaned Kylie.

'I wouldn't worry about being in possession of stolen goods if I were you,' said Anne. 'Who is ever going to think of looking in _your_ bedroom for an item that shouldn't even have been able to go beyond the borders of England, Wales and Scotland? I'd worry more about Henry if I were you. He's very persistent, you know.'

'Only if you refuse him,' said Kylie.

'Oh,' said Katie, 'are you going to sleep with him?'

'No!'

'Then what _are_ you going to do?'

'I don't know, I don't know, I don't _know_!'

'Kylie,' said Egon. 'I think you should calm down.'

'Oh… okay.' Kylie hung her head and bit her lip, trying to suppress her panic.

'Now,' said Egon, 'please stop worrying. You're a Ghostbuster. This is exactly the sort of situation I've trained you to deal with.'

'It is?'

'Well, it involves a ghost, doesn't it?'

'Yes.'

'We can deal with Henry, and as for the stolen jewellery… well, we'll think of something.'

~.~

Garrett, Roland and Eduardo all arrived in due course, but there was no time for Kylie to tell them of her predicament, as they immediately had to go out on a call. It was nothing too complicated, fortunately for Kylie, as she was unable to concentrate. She spent the morning floating on a wave of anxiety, and didn't even register what was happening when Roland had to grab the trap from her back to finish the job.

When they were loading their equipment back into the car, it was Garrett who got in first with, 'So, Kylie, what's up with you?'

'Eduardo was right,' said Kylie.

Eduardo looked round. 'I was? About what?'

'Henry the Eighth is interested in me because I'm there.'

'Eduardo said that?' asked Roland. 'You're not Everest, Kylie.'

'I am to Henry the Eighth.'

'Mount Kylie,' said Garrett, and he and Eduardo started sniggering.

'Shut up, it's not funny!' said Kylie.

'Of course it ain't.' Eduardo was suddenly serious. 'I _told_ you to be careful.'

'But I didn't _do_ anything! I can't help it if I'm there!'

'You definitely _are_ there, you know,' said Garrett.

'What exactly happened?' asked Roland.

'I'll tell you in the car,' said Kylie, 'if you'll turn off the two-way radio. I don't want to risk anyone overhearing.'

~.~

It was a talkative trio of men who exited the Ecto-1 in the firehouse foyer. Kylie hovered uncertainly in their midst, looking sick and worried.

'Are you trying to think what Kylie should do about her stolen necklace?' asked Janine.

'Egon told you about that, huh?' said Kylie.

'Of course.'

'It's not just stolen, Janine,' said Roland. 'It's stolen from the queen of England.'

'Not necessarily,' Katie said brightly, materialising some five yards away. 'They said it was stolen from one of her residences, but it could belong to her mother or her sister or her daughter, or one of her granddaughters or daughters-in-law. But that doesn't alter the point, I suppose. Hello, Eduardo. I haven't really seen you today.'

'I've been busy,' said Eduardo, holding up the charged ghost trap.

'Oh, are you going to put that in your unit?' asked Katie. 'May I see?'

'Well,' said Roland, 'we never let anyone see - '

'You can't stop me anyhow,' said Katie. 'Are _you_ doing it, Eduardo?'

'Um.' Eduardo glanced down at the trap in his hands. 'I guess so.'

'Smashing. I'll come and watch.'

'Okay. Kylie,' said Eduardo, 'you won't go off on your own or anything, will you?'

'Leave the girl alone, Eddie,' said Garrett. 'Roland and I won't let her wander off. You go down to the basement with Katie and do whatever it is you two do down there.'

Eduardo made his way to the basement without another word, but with a lingering glance at Kylie as Roland frogmarched her up the stairs.

~.~

Katie was waiting by the containment unit. She flashed Eduardo one of her cutesy smiles, and then watched the incarceration process with interest.

'Can they really, definitely never get out?' she asked, once it was all over.

'They can only get out if something goes wrong,' said Eduardo.

'Does that happen often?'

'Hardly ever, and we've only ever had one or two escapees at a time. Well, three at most. But look, don't worry about it. Once Henry's in here, he won't bother anyone again.'

'So he's going in now, is he?' asked Katie, stooping down and examining the unit from a lower angle. 'Yesterday Kylie at least didn't seem very keen on the idea.'

'You were right,' said Eduardo. 'He's nothing but trouble.'

'But it's personal now, isn't it? You're worried about Kylie.'

'We all are. You know Henry. Don't you think we should worry?'

'Yes,' said Katie, 'I definitely think you should worry, although I don't know exactly what I think is going to happen. I only knew Henry for a very short time, you know, and he was old by then, and plagued by the pain of his ulcer. He took delight in my company for as long as it lasted, but most of the time he was furious for no real reason. But now that he's a ghost, he's young again. What do _you _think he might do to Kylie?'

'I don't know.'

'Perhaps he'll cut off her head.'

Eduardo was alarmed by the prospect, but chose not to let it show.

'On what charge?' he asked.

'He doesn't need a charge,' said Katie. 'Not anymore. He's a ghost. He can do what he likes even more than he could when he was a king.'

~.~

A diligent watch was kept on Kylie for the rest of the morning. Eduardo and Roland even insisted on accompanying her to the bathroom and standing outside with their proton guns at the ready. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, and the next time she wanted to go to the bathroom, Kylie sneaked off on her own. Sure enough, this was the time that Henry chose to appear. He materialised suddenly, and clapped a hand over Kylie's mouth.

'Do not be alarmed,' he said. 'I won't hurt you. But don't make any noise, will you?'

Kylie nodded her acquiescence, and was sufficiently alarmed to honour the agreement.

'Did you receive my gift?' asked Henry.

'Yes. I don't suppose you'd consider taking it back, would you? It's not that I didn't like it. It's just that you're not the king anymore, and that stuff doesn't belong to you.'

'It will always belong to me.'

'Well, if you're going to be like that, you might as well say it all belongs to, um…'

'William the Conqueror?'

'Yes,' said Kylie, 'if you like.'

'I don't think the Norman kings set much store by jewellery,' said Henry. 'And of course I shan't return it. It is yours now.'

'No, really, it's not, and if I get caught with it - '

'Who _is_ king now, anyway?'

'It's a queen,' said Kylie. 'Elizabeth the Second.'

'Hmm. Well, she couldn't be as good as _my_ Elizabeth.'

'I really wouldn't know. Henry… can I ask you something?'

'Anything, my sweet, melodious angel!'

'Um.' Kylie was taken aback for a moment, and forgot what she had wanted to ask. It soon came back to her, however, and she said, 'Katie… Catherine Howard… she's been convinced you're going to take her back to wherever you've been keeping her ever since she got here yesterday. But so far you've only taken Jane. Why is that?'

'I had no cause to allow Jane to remain here,' said Henry. 'I should like to take Anne as well, but she is wilful. As for Catherine…'

'Yes?'

'I am watching her. I fear she may betray me again.'

'Who with?' asked Kylie, anticipating the answer exactly.

'The Spaniard, Edward Rivers.'

Well, not quite exactly, but at any rate she knew whom he meant.

'There's nothing going on between him and Catherine,' said Kylie. 'You leave him alone.'

Henry laughed. 'Do you try to give me orders, woman?'

'I'm just trying to be reasonable. I want you to stop hurting innocent people.'

'No one is innocent who stands between the king of England and his will.'

'Oh my God, you are so - '

'Sweetheart,' he said, 'let us not argue. Indeed, I have come to you today with joyous news. I would have sent a messenger, only I can't seem to find any these days, so here I am in person to ask you for your hand in marriage.'

Kylie froze for a moment. Then she said, 'That isn't news.'

'Yes it is,' said Henry. 'The news is that you _will_ marry me. Then I shall be the happiest man in the world, and you the happiest woman.'

'No!' yelled Kylie. 'Stop, shut up, listen! You _can't_ marry me! You've got at least three wives already!'

'I have no wife living.'

'_You're _not living!'

'Enough!' roared Henry, suddenly reddening and smoking and growing to about five times his current size. 'You will obey me! I am the king!'

Kylie's heart leapt as the raging form began to descend upon her. At the same moment, the bathroom door was kicked open dramatically and Eduardo burst in with his proton gun at the ready. Deciding at once that Henry was too close to Kylie to risk shooting, he simply said loudly, 'Hey man, back off!'

To Kylie's surprise, as well as Eduardo's own, Henry immediately shrank back to regular size. He stayed close to Kylie, standing a little behind her, and looked at Eduardo with utter disdain. His eyes dropped from his face to the weapon in his hand. He put his arm around Kylie's shoulders, and said, 'Leave us, peasant, before I have you whipped.'

'Don't touch her,' said Eduardo.

Henry laughed. 'And why not?'

'Because she doesn't want you to.'

'He's right,' said Kylie. 'I don't want you to.'

'Hush, my love,' Henry said gently. Then to Eduardo he said, 'She is my intended.'

'Are you deaf?' said Eduardo. 'She's not interested! Get your hands off her!'

'Enough of this. You will suffer at the hands of my torturers!'

Henry's eyes glowed red with anger, but he clearly had no intention of increasing the difference between his height and Kylie's, which was currently about a foot. Eduardo was not going to shoot so close to her face, but he knew he had to do something. It was a precarious situation, but he was confident he could shoot a short burst of proton fire at Henry's foot without hitting Kylie. He did so, and achieved the desired result: Henry cried out in pain, and released his grip on Kylie long enough for her to skip across the room and duck behind Eduardo.

'You do know I wouldn't do this if I had my gun,' she said.

'I know,' said Eduardo. 'Why didn't you bring it with you?'

'I was going to the bathroom!'

'Yeah, but you knew he was - '

'How dare you?' roared Henry, growing and smoking again. 'I am the king of England! You will obey me!'

'You need to get with the times, man,' said Eduardo. 'This is the twentieth century, and we treat women with respect!'

'Shoot him!' said Kylie, noticing that Eduardo had forgotten to bring a trap. She was about to go and fetch one, and Eduardo was about to shoot, when again Anne appeared - every bit as tall as Henry was - taking them both by surprise.

'How many times, Henry?' she said. 'Leave them! They're nothing to do with you!'

'You are too bold, woman!' said Henry.

'No I'm not!' said Anne, beginning to smoke herself, so that the room was still filled with odourless and inconsequential curling grey plumes. 'I am not too bold, and I am not your wife, and you are not the king! You have no power here!'

'Yes I do! I am - '

'You're not the blasted king!'

'I am a ghost! I have more power here than ever I did in life!'

'Well,' said Anne, 'so do I!'

They were both obscured by smoke, their glowing red eyes shining through. Eduardo and Kylie were both too amazed to do anything but stare. Then instinctively they ducked, Eduardo wrapping his arms around Kylie and bowing his head over hers, as there came a sudden and violent explosion. They heard it, but felt nothing. Like the smoke, it had no effect on the physical environment.

The room filled with laughter. Eduardo and Kylie disentangled themselves and looked up cautiously, not knowing what to expect. Anne stood in the middle of the room, her head flung back, cackling like the witch Henry accused her of being. The sound ceased only when her head threatened to topple backwards from her neck. She steadied it, then wiped the tears from her eyes and said, 'Oh, how marvellous!'

'What's going on?' Eduardo asked uncertainly.

'I'm free!' said Anne.

Kylie blinked. 'You are?'

'Why now?' asked Eduardo.

'Why _not_ now? Oh, what a goose I am! I could have been free any time I wanted! It's just as I said. He's not the king, and he's not my husband. He's just a ghost, and so am I! We are equal now! Why did I not see it before?'

'Because he's manipulative,' Eduardo said at once.

'Right,' said Kylie. 'You were used to him having power over you, so when he died he acted like he still had it, and it never occurred to you to argue.'

'Quite so,' said Anne. 'Still, I ought to have been able to see it sooner. I always thought I was strong for a woman.'

'You're strong for a human being,' said Kylie, 'and now you can do whatever you want.'

'I can indeed,' said Anne. 'Thank you for your help, both of you. And the others as well. Say thank you for me, will you?'

'Of course,' said Kylie, as Anne's image began to fade away. Then she looked at Eduardo and said, 'The others, she says. Nice of them to help us out, wasn't it?'

'Egon's shut up in his lab,' said Eduardo. 'I don't think he heard. Janine's on her break, and Garrett and Roland both went to class just before I noticed you were missing.'

'Oh. So you've been protecting me all on your own, huh?'

'Somebody had to.'

'Clearly somebody did,' said Kylie, not at all sure she liked needing to be looked after, by him or anyone else. 'Eduardo…'

'What?'

'Thank you. I'm really grateful you did that for me.'

'But…?' he said, hearing the unspoken word loud and clear.

'You have Henry the Eighth mad at you now.'

'Yeah, well… at least he doesn't want to marry me.'

'Look, we're both in trouble,' said Kylie, 'and he's smart. Clearly he's watching us. He's only appearing when I'm on my own and unarmed, and he probably knew there was only you to help me stand up to him. I guess you'd better leave that proton pack with me.'

'What do you mean leave it?' said Eduardo. 'I'll stay with you.'

'Well, sure, but I still need to go to the bathroom.'

'Oh… okay.'

He slipped the proton pack off his shoulders, handed it to Kylie and left her to herself in the bathroom. He didn't stray far, but walked about fifty yards and then called, 'Katie?'

For half a second he wondered whether Henry might have taken Katie back, but then she appeared in front of him with an enquiring smile on her face.

'Anne's free,' he said.

The smile gave way to a look of blank amazement.

'What?' said Katie. 'How?'

'She just realised she could have left whenever she wanted. She has the same power as Henry now. You all do.'

'I suppose we do,' said Katie, her brow puckered in thought.

'Well,' said Eduardo, 'what are you waiting for? You know what to do now.'

Katie shook her head, saying, 'I wish I'd seen it. I really don't know if I can.'

'Of course you can. If you're as weak as that, why hasn't he taken you already?'

'Because he will play his little games,' said Katie. 'He's watching me, I just know it. He _does_ have power over me, Eduardo.'

'He doesn't.'

'He _does_! Listen… I'm very different from Anne, and even Jane. I don't even remember where I was before Henry came to me in death. Anne has her daughter to go to, and a stillborn son. If Jane can get away, she has Edward. But who do I have? No one ever loved me, not truly. I have uncles and things, and the Boleyns are my cousins, but what of that? My parents hadn't much to do with me, so I've always felt that my closest family is my husband. Henry did love me, you know.'

'His idea of love is twisted.'

'I know,' said Katie, 'but it's still love, and it's the most I've ever got from anyone. Even if I _could_ leave him, where would I go?'

Eduardo thought back over _Murder Most Royal_, and one name sprang instantly to mind. 'What about Thomas Culpeper?'

Katie shook her head. 'He didn't love me. I thought I loved him, but I was just a child.'

'You must have loved someone else,' said Eduardo. 'What about friends?'

'Friends…' Again, Katie's brow puckered in thought.

'Oh, that girl… what was her name? Joan something.'

'Joan Bulmer!' Katie's face lit up. 'Oh, how could I forget my dear, sweet Joan? I did love her, Eduardo, I did! _So_ much!'

'Great,' said Eduardo. 'Then you can leave Henry and find her.'

'Perhaps I can. I'll try. Only…'

'What now?'

'Kylie's still in trouble, isn't she?' said Katie. 'How on earth is she going to return that wretched trinket to Queen Elizabeth the Second? I think it should be returned to her directly, you know, rather than just left somewhere. There can be absolutely no possibility of it being traced back to Kylie. I could help, couldn't I?'

'You could? That would be great!'

'If only you could find out which royal residence it was taken from.'

'Sure we can,' said Eduardo. 'Katie, you're a star. Thank you.'

'But don't forget that he's always watching,' said Katie. 'He must know now what we're intending to do. I think I'd better go away for a while, just until you deal with him. If I could help you there, I would, but I can't. I'll be back when he's gone, I promise.'

Eduardo was so overcome with gratitude that he could not find the words to express it before Katie had disappeared. Almost at the moment she vanished, Kylie emerged from the bathroom.

'Did you hear that?' asked Eduardo.

'Yes,' said Kylie.

'So what, you were just in there listening?'

'I didn't like to interrupt. Anyway, I wasn't sure whether I should tell her, but I have to tell _you_. Before you showed up, Henry told me that he suspects you and she are lovers.'

Eduardo frowned. 'How can he suspect that if he's always watching us?'

'Well, he suspects you're thinking of it, and as far as he's concerned that's bad enough.'

'The dude's insane.'

'He was always power mad,' said Kylie, 'and I guess being a ghost for all these centuries has just made him worse.'

'So what do we do now?' asked Eduardo.

Kylie shook her head, stuck for ideas. 'Let's just wait for Egon to finish what he's doing and the others to come back from class. I just don't want to think about it for a while.'

_To be continued…_


	4. Chapter 4

_Extreme Ghostbusters:_ **We Three Queens**

Chapter 4

For the next couple of hours, Eduardo and Kylie played chess and Scrabble and tried not to think about their problems. They were bickering about whether they should keep using the Scrabble set's two-letter word list, which came with the game (Eduardo's argument for using it) but seemed to contradict its own rules (Kylie's argument against), when Egon emerged from his lab and was told about the afternoon's encounter.

'Clearly we need to obliterate the threat as soon as possible,' said Egon. 'I wonder where he goes when he vanishes.'

'Some kind of ghost dimension,' said Eduardo.

'Well we know _that_,' said Kylie.

'We _assume_ that,' said Egon, 'and as we can't trace him after he's gone, it's a reasonable assumption to make. Mind you, it doesn't matter much. _We_ can't get there, and even if we could, our weapons wouldn't work in another dimension. No, what we need to do is get Henry in a vulnerable position while he's here.'

'That may be easier said than done, Egon,' said Kylie. 'You know he only ever shows up when we let our guard down, and if we just make sure to be armed the entire time, he'll most likely _never_ show up. We'll be sleeping with our proton guns the rest of our lives.'

'There's always a solution, Kylie,' said Egon. 'It's only a question of finding it.'

He wandered off, and Kylie and Eduardo had one game of Scrabble with the two-letter word list and one without. They were just setting up the chessmen again when Garrett rolled into the room.

'Chess, huh? Exciting stuff,' he said. 'I guess I didn't miss anything, then.'

When Garrett learned just what he _had_ missed, he was not happy about it.

'You see?' he said. 'I never get to do anything interesting, and Roland doesn't even get to hear about this - he stayed to work on some paper about withering tights or something.'

'_Wuthering Heights_,' said Kylie, 'and other novels of the Brontë sisters. Oh, that's right, I still have to finish that paper!'

'That's why you two get all the excitement,' said Garrett. 'You've both stopped going to class. You didn't have even one between you today _or_ yesterday.'

'I missed one today,' said Eduardo.

Kylie stared at him, aghast. 'You didn't!'

'Why didn't you say so when Roland and I were going?' asked Garrett.

Eduardo shrugged. 'One of you would have wanted to stay with Kylie and missed yours. It's cool - it was only Professor Starkey. No one ever learns anything from him anyway.'

'Well, okay,' said Kylie, who had in the past sat through several of Professor Starkey's monotonous lectures, 'but I don't want you to miss any other classes on my account.'

'Eddie, who's staying with her tonight?' asked Garrett.

Kylie rolled her eyes. 'Great, talk about me like I'm somebody's dog.'

'Can you?' asked Eduardo. 'I have to watch Kevin tonight.'

'You don't _have_ to,' said Garrett. 'What exactly does your brother do to deserve a free babysitting service anyway?'

'I don't do it for him,' said Eduardo. 'So can you watch Kylie or what?'

'Sure,' said Garrett. 'We'll stay here and have Egon around in case of emergency. You can write that paper of yours, Kylie, and if Henry the Eighth shows up then I'll finally get to do something cool.'

'My paper is all about anger and abuse,' Kylie said hollowly.

'I have to go,' said Eduardo.

'Take your proton pack,' said Kylie, her voice hollow no longer, 'and a trap.'

'I will.'

'Why is that?' Garrett asked Kylie, as Eduardo made his exit.

'Henry's after him too.'

'What for?'

'Interfering with him trying to marry me, and having lustful thoughts about his fifth wife.'

'Is Eddie having lustful -?'

'_I_ don't know,' Kylie said irritably. 'It doesn't matter. The fact is, Henry _thinks_ he is.'

'You know,' said Garrett, 'being stalked by Henry the Eighth brings out the worst in you.'

'Well I'm sorry, but this is very stressful. Apart from anything else, I still have the queen's necklace in my bedroom.'

'Well, Ky, we all got problems.'

~.~

Janine agreed to feed Pagan that night and the next morning, and took Kylie's keys. She had never been to Kylie's apartment before, and at first Pagan was very suspicious of her. He crouched over some object on the floor, looking like a leopard about to drag a carcass up a tree, out of the reach of hyenas. It was a large object with no particular shape, and Janine took some seconds to recognise it. Then, suddenly, she realised.

'Oh no!' she cried, stooping down to take the queen's necklace, but Pagan was not about to let it go without a fight. Janine suffered nips and scratches, and had to extract the cat's claws from the loops of the gold chain, before she finally won the priceless object.

She called the firehouse from Kylie's phone, and was relieved when Egon answered. She did not want to be the one to tell Kylie what had happened.

'The clasp is broken and some of the stones are a little scratched,' she said, 'and it looks like there are three missing.'

'Do you suppose he could have swallowed them?' asked Egon.

'Oh God.' Janine looked down at Pagan, who was prowling around his empty food bowl. 'Do I have to take him to the vet now as well?'

There was some discussion about this. Pagan might just pass the stones in a day or two without any trouble, but on the other hand, perhaps it would be best to seek the advice of a professional. Mind you, he might not have swallowed the stones at all. In the end, Janine found herself turning Kylie's apartment upside down looking for them. In the end she found a ruby and two emeralds stowed behind the fridge. There were a lot of other things back there as well, which Pagan clearly did not want moved, so Janine pushed the fridge back into place and gave the cat his dinner.

~.~

Garrett slept while Kylie nursed her proton gun and worked on her paper. It occurred to her that even she didn't normally work on assignments on a Friday night. Apparently Roland did, though. Perhaps he enjoyed an almost deserted library at that time. Kylie felt rather jealous of him having access to all the novels and secondary texts he wanted. She had managed to find copies of _Jane Eyre_ and _Wuthering Heights_, but that was all the firehouse had to offer. All she could do was type up her general points and cite a few quotations from the two books.

Kylie saved the essay on a floppy disk, and then wondered what else she could do to wile away the hours. She went through her work, made big spaces where she wanted to insert quotations and then filled them with red crosses. After that, there really was nothing else she could do. She didn't think she'd sleep, so she went down to the basement - with her gun and a trap - and fetched an armful of books on the reign of Henry the Eighth. She had her nose in one of these when Garrett woke in the early hours of the morning.

'Kylie,' he said. 'You need to think about something else.'

'How can I?' said Kylie. 'The man wants to marry me!'

'He's pretty crazy, isn't he?'

'Yes. Now be quiet. I'm trying to think what I'm going to do.'

'Well,' said Garrett, 'the way I see it, we need to - '

'Ssh!' hissed Kylie.

'But - '

'Shut up!'

She stood up, found some Post-its and a pen, wrote something and then gave the Post-it block to Garrett.

_Mustn't make plans out loud. He's listening._

'Oh,' said Garrett.

'Exactly,' said Kylie.

Slimer put in an appearance, making his way to the kitchen, and Egon emerged soon after. Garrett immediately handed him Kylie's Post-it.

'Quite right,' said Egon.

Garrett, who had kept the rest of the Post-it block, wrote something himself: _How can we get Henry VIII here when we're ready for him?_

'It'll be tricky doing it at all, and especially like this,' said Egon.

'And not at all suspicious,' Kylie muttered.

'But we all know surprise parties are notoriously hard to keep under wraps,' said Garrett.

Kylie favoured him with a humourless smile. At any rate she appreciated the effort, and besides, he made a good point. If they could convince Henry they weren't talking about him, so much the better. But just how perceptive was he? There was no way of knowing.

The entire situation was making Kylie feel sick, and the feeling intensified when Roland walked in with a troubled expression on his face. Somehow she knew what it meant, and her suspicions were soon confirmed.

'I went by Eduardo's to pick him up,' said Roland, 'and he's not answering his door.'

'Didn't you go in?' asked Garrett.

'I tried, but the door was locked. I didn't want to be too firm with it in case Carl came and arrested me or something.'

'Fair enough,' said Garrett, 'but the three of us can stand up to him.'

~.~

They were all silent on the drive to Eduardo's. Everyone felt anxious, but Kylie felt guilty too. Why had she let him go off on his own, knowing how Henry felt about him?

'There's no point going up there yet,' Kylie said, as Roland approached the staircase at the side of Carl Rivera's house. 'He's not there. We need to knock on the door and ask Carl or Beth to let us in, and then we need to figure out more or less what happened, and then… well, what _can_ we do then?'

'You seem pretty sure of what we're going to find,' said Roland.

'Isn't it obvious?' said Kylie. 'Henry's taken him.'

They stood in silence for some seconds. Roland was the first to crack and knock on the Riveras' front door. To his relief, it was Eduardo's sister-in-law Beth who answered.

'Um, hi,' said Roland. 'I don't want to worry you, but… have you seen Eduardo lately?'

'Not since last night,' said Beth.

'That's right, he was babysitting,' said Kylie, pushing in front of Roland. 'So you saw him when you got back? What time was it?'

'Well, let's see… about one thirty,' said Beth.

'What was he doing?'

'Reading.'

'Reading?' This knocked Kylie out of her stride. 'Reading what?'

'I don't know, something for college.'

'It was something about the history of art,' said a young voice, and Kevin Rivera appeared at his mother's side. 'He made me go to bed at' - he glanced at Beth - 'nine because he wanted to start working on some art history paper that's due on Monday.'

'Oh no!' said Kylie. 'He'll never get it done in time!'

'Sure he will,' said Kevin. 'What's going on?'

'It sounds to me like he's gone missing,' said Beth.

'Not really,' said Garrett. 'We know more or less where he is.'

'So after you got back,' said Kylie, 'I guess Eduardo just went back up to his apartment, right? I wonder if he made it inside.'

'You mustn't worry,' said Roland, seeing Beth and Kevin's horror-struck expressions. 'It really is going to be fine. But… could you maybe let us into his apartment?'

'I'll get the spare key,' said Beth.

'If the door's locked,' said Kevin, 'he probably went inside. He doesn't bother locking it when he's just down here.'

'He should,' said Roland.

'All right, what's going on?' Carl Rivera came bustling up behind Kevin, causing hackles to rise and hearts to sink. 'What are you people doing here?'

'Carl, come on, leave them alone.' Beth squeezed her way past her husband and handed a key to Roland. 'Is there anything else you need?'

'I don't think so,' said Roland, 'but we'll let you know if there is.'

'What's going on?' Carl asked again. 'Is he passed out in there or something? Oh my God, he's been doing drugs when he should have been watching Kevin!'

'He wouldn't do that,' said Garrett, as Roland and Kylie made their way up the staircase.

'Of course he wouldn't,' said Kevin. 'We played board games and video games, and then he read to me before bed.'

'Yeah?' said Carl. 'What did he read you?'

'The articles out of a girly mag.'

'_What_?'

'I think he's joking, Carl,' said Garrett.

'You stay out of this,' said Carl. 'It doesn't concern you.'

Kylie and Roland came back down the stairs, Roland saying, 'He made a bunch of notes for his paper, and his bed's been slept in. There are still PKE traces, so it couldn't have happened more than a couple of hours ago.'

'He had his gun,' Garrett remembered. 'Of _course _Henry took him while he was asleep.'

'You _are_ going to find him, right?' said Kevin.

'Sure,' said Garrett. 'Eddie gets kidnapped by ghosts all the time. We always find him.'

'I don't believe this,' said Carl. 'I ought to have you people prosecuted.'

'We'd better go,' said Roland.

Kylie waited until they were back in the Ecto-1 to say, 'Go _where_? We have no way of knowing where he is or how to reach him!'

'Well,' said Roland, 'let's not panic just yet. Maybe we can find Catherine Howard. She can get to Eduardo, even if we can't.'

'That's right, Eddie and Katie are BFFs now, aren't they?' said Garrett. 'Well, she should be more than happy to help.'

~.~

When Eduardo woke, the first thing he noticed was that he felt very cold. He noticed next that he was lying on a stone floor, and this was enough to wake him fully. He rose onto his knees and looked around him. There were walls and a ceiling, also made of stone, and a table some distance away. Other than that, the room was empty.

As well as his surroundings, Eduardo was alarmed by the clothes he was wearing: a white shirt and black trousers, both in tatters. He got to his feet and looked at the only thing in the room besides himself: the table. What he saw made him feel sick. He had read enough of _Murder Most Royal_ to know a set of Tudor torture implements when he saw one.

'Edward!'

It was a woman's voice, and it spoke in a furtive hiss. Eduardo spun round and noticed, for the first time, a barred door. Beyond this, behind the woman, he could see only mist. He ran to the door and gripped the bars so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

'Jane!' he said. 'You have to help me. I have to get out of here.'

'I cannot help you,' she said.

'You can! Listen to me. You can do whatever you want. Anne escaped. Katie's trying, and you can try too. I'll help you. We can go together. Just please get me out of here!'

'You mustn't worry,' said Jane.

Eduardo's eyes widened. 'Are you _kidding_?'

'Really, you're all right for now. Henry hasn't any torturers at present.'

'Oh.' Eduardo tried to feel better about the situation, but he did not believe Henry would postpone his plans for long. 'But he'll get one, won't he?'

'I don't know,' said Jane. 'It's such a long time since he's needed one. I have to go.'

'Jane, wait…'

'If Henry finds me here…'

'Please!' said Eduardo, as Jane turned and began to fade into the mist. 'You can't leave me here! You don't have to let him bully you, or anyone else! Jane!'

She was gone. Eduardo pulled himself back into the body of his jail cell and clamped his mouth shut, holding back his pleas and cries with a physical effort. Shouting after Jane would do him no good. She clearly wasn't going to listen, and if Henry heard him, things might well get worse for him very quickly.

Eduardo thought of Katie, but she could have been anywhere. Perhaps she had succeeded in escaping from Henry and had no idea what he was doing. It seemed hopeless. How on earth, Eduardo thought, would anyone find him? He thought of Kylie, remembering that Henry wanted her too. He imagined what was to happen next, for him and for her, and could think of no way to stop it.

~.~

Back at the firehouse, Kylie felt tired and unclean on top of her guilt and anxiety. While Roland discussed with Egon whether there was any way they could get back in touch with Katie, Kylie said to Garrett, 'I want to take a shower.'

'Are you crazy?' said Garrett. 'You can't take a shower!'

'But I haven't showered since the night before last.'

'Look, just don't, okay?'

Kylie was silent for half a minute or so, thinking hard. Then she said, 'How are we going to find Eduardo?'

'Catherine Howard's going to help us,' said Garrett.

'And if we can't _find_ Catherine Howard…?'

Garrett sighed. 'What are you suggesting, Kylie?'

'Nothing. Only… I thought that maybe _I _could persuade Henry to give Eduardo back.'

'Ky, come on. Even if you could, what happens to you then?'

'I don't know.'

They fell silent, both trying to think of some solution to the problem that didn't involve tracking down a ghost or sacrificing someone living. They were still thinking when Egon and Roland entered the room.

'I don't know any way to contact Catherine,' said Egon, 'but perhaps we can trust her to come back to us.'

'Egon,' said Garrett. 'This is a little more serious than "perhaps". Even say we can get Henry here and trap him. How's Eddie supposed to get back here? If Catherine doesn't decide to visit us again, there'll be no link between this world and Henry's.'

'There's me,' said Kylie.

'What exactly are you planning to do?' asked Garrett. 'Offer him a swap?'

'No.'

'What, then?'

'I don't know, I can't think straight,' said Kylie. 'Egon, can I take a shower?'

'I'd much rather you didn't,' said Egon.

Kylie sighed heavily. 'All right then.'

Egon sat with her on the sofa, watched by Roland and Garrett, and felt the burden of their hopes on him.

'We've all been to some ghost dimension or other before,' he said, 'but there was always a doorway of some kind. I just don't know how to access Henry's dimension.'

Roland was scribbling something onto a Post-it, which he then handed to Egon. It read: _What happened to writing it all down?_

'Writing what all down?' asked a voice from nowhere, and the four Ghostbusters jumped out of their skin.

'Katie?' said Garrett.

'Hello.' Katie materialised next to Roland. 'What's happening?'

'Boy, are we glad to see you!' said Roland. 'Henry has Eduardo!'

'Oh no!' said Katie. 'What are you going to do?'

'We're going to ask you to bring him back for us,' said Garrett.

'You can do that, can't you?' asked Kylie.

'Gosh,' said Katie, furrowing her brow, 'Henry won't like that. Oh well, Eduardo is my very good chum now, isn't he? And he was right, I suppose - I don't _really_ have to be afraid of Henry. I'll see what I can do.'

She vanished, only to reappear a moment later, her forehead more puckered than ever.

'Bad news, chaps,' she said. 'I can't get back.'

'_What_?' cried Roland and Kylie in unison.

'Why?' said Garrett.

'Henry,' said Katie. 'I suppose he suspects I'd try to help Eduardo. In a way, that's rather good news. It means he really doesn't have as much power over me as I thought.'

'Then can't you still enter his dimension?' said Egon.

'I don't think so,' said Katie. 'You're very right to call it _his_ dimension. I'm sorry, but if he's locked the door I don't know how I can open it.'

'Maybe I can cobble together something to help you,' said Egon, 'if you can tell me a bit about how this door works, and maybe even where it is.'

'Well,' said Katie, 'it's not anywhere, really.'

'Katie,' said Kylie. 'Is there anyone else there who can help him? What about Jane?'

'Jane's too feeble to help him.'

'Well, who else, then?'

'I don't know,' said Katie. 'Anne of Cleves might be somewhere there, but I don't know if she'd be able to help.'

'But maybe she could,' said Kylie. 'She's not afraid of Henry, is she? If Eduardo could just find Anne of Cleves, and ask her for help…'

'I don't see how he can,' said Katie. 'I'm sorry, but I don't. Henry will be keeping him prisoner, and he doesn't introduce Anne of Cleves to prisoners. He introduces her to his family and friends and ambassadors and things.'

'Okay, well… I really have to take a shower,' said Kylie.

'No!' said Roland and Garrett together.

Katie grabbed Roland's Post-it notes and pen, and started to write.

'I'm going.' Kylie stood up, and picked up her proton pistol. 'Look, I'll take my gun.'

'You shouldn't shower with that, Kylie, it's very dangerous,' said Egon.

Katie handed him what she had written. Egon found her handwriting and her spelling tricky, but he was just about able to decipher it.

_Iffe your writting wat you wante to do about Henry I thinke that is a goode idea, he muste notte heare are plans. Iffe we canne trappe him here maye be I canne gette too Edwordo._

Egon raised an eyebrow. 'Maybe?'

Katie wrote something else. _I thinke I coude gette to him and iffe not coudent you lette Henry goe aggaine iffe wurst came to wurst._

'Yes, we could,' said Egon, drawing in his shoulders as Garrett and Roland crowded round him to read the notes. 'Still, it would have to be a last resort.'

'You should be writing this all down,' said Katie.

'With your background,' said Egon, 'I'm very impressed you can read and write.'

Katie grinned modestly. 'People used to say that. The king - oh crumbs! Kylie's gone!'

Everyone panicked for a moment, until the sound of running water reached their ears from above. Still, as Kylie was in danger the relief was short lived for all of them, except Katie.

'Henry's too much of a gentlemen to do anything to her at the moment,' she said.

'Are you sure?' asked Roland.

'Yes, quite,' said Katie, with such confidence that they let twenty minutes slip by before anyone began to worry.

Finally, Roland said, 'Y'know, Kylie should probably be getting out of the shower soon.'

He and Garrett were alone by this time, as Egon and Katie had gone off to discuss Henry's magic door.

'You'd better go check on her,' said Garrett.

'Um… okay.'

Roland went, and for fully three minutes Garrett listened to him banging on the bathroom door, entreating Kylie to answer him and threatening to go in. Finally he made good on the threat, and the sound of running water stopped. Then there was silence. Garrett knew what this meant, and moments later the look on Roland's face confirmed it for him.

'Is she…?'

Roland nodded. 'Gone.'

_To be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

_Extreme Ghostbusters:_ **We Three Queens**

Chapter 5

Kylie almost managed to finish her shower, and had begun to doubt whether Henry was really so interested in her after all. She was about to turn off the water and get dried off when suddenly, her surroundings melted away and she was somewhere else.

It looked very much like a banqueting hall, in that it was a stone room with a long table in it. Sitting at the head of the table was Henry. He stood up, bowed his head and said, 'My dear Lady Griffin.'

At first, Kylie couldn't think of anything to say. She was aware of a heavy set of clothes covering her from the shoulders down, and she felt that she couldn't do anything else until she'd looked at it.

'I promise I didn't look,' said Henry, as Kylie glanced down at the elaborately decorated black and red dress she was wearing. 'Do you like it? We do not often wear black here, Lady Griffin, but I rather thought it would suit you, my beautiful dark angel.'

'Did you really not look?' she asked.

'Of course I didn't.'

'Why not?'

'Even I do not look upon a woman's unclothed form without her permission, my dear.'

'Okay, well… what happens to this thing when I go back?'

'But my love, you aren't going back.'

'Oh yes I - ' Kylie began, but then she stopped as it occurred to her that angering Henry might not be such a good idea. After all, at least a part of her actually wanted to be there.

'I mean,' she said, 'if we're going to get married, I have to invite my friends.'

'Sweetheart,' said Henry, 'your friends wish to assassinate me.'

'Maybe you shouldn't marry me, then.'

'It's all right,' said Henry, striding towards her. 'You'll be completely cut off from them. You will make new friends here.'

'Really? asked Kylie. 'Who?'

'Well, Jane, of course. And Catherine, when I bring her back.'

'Oh, okay. And… anyone else?'

'Certainly,' said Henry. 'I shall introduce you to our beloved sister, Anne of Cleves.'

'Oh, fantastic! I mean… I've heard she's nice.'

'Indeed she is. She did not ignite any passion in me, but I must say, a more obedient and respectful wife I never did have. I shall fetch her at once.'

'Great,' said Kylie. 'But can I just ask you something first?'

'Anything, my love.'

'What's happening with, um, Edward Rivers?'

'He is awaiting torture.'

'Oh my God!'

'All I have to do now is find a torturer,' said Henry. 'And someone to marry us, my love. I shall send Anne to keep you company while I am away on this search.'

'That reminds me,' said Kylie. 'Anne Boleyn…'

Anger flashed across Henry's face. 'What about her?'

'She's gone now, right?'

'She displeases me,' said Henry. 'I did admire her spirit, but yours pleases me more, my dark angel. I no longer desire her presence. Let her burn in Hell with the other whores.'

With that, he turned and began to walk away. Kylie wanted to shout after him that Anne was innocent and he knew it, but she managed to resist the urge, and sat down at the dining table to think. Anne had left by sheer force of will. Kylie wondered whether there was any way that she and Eduardo could do the same.

She stood up and made her way towards the nearest wall, which she soon realised was not getting any closer. She was considering the problem when someone gave a polite little cough behind her, and said in a strong German accent, 'Good day, Lady Griffin.'

This had to be Anne of Cleves. Kylie turned round with a polite smile on her face.

'I am Anne of Cleves,' said the woman. 'I hope we will be great friends.'

'_You're_ Anne of Cleves?' said Kylie. 'Oh, you're really pretty!'

'_Danke schön_, dear, thank you,' said Anne, her smile changing from polite to bashful. 'Of course, it is not fashionable to think so here at court. I shouldn't mention it to the king.'

'Anne,' said Kylie, 'you have to help me. I don't want to marry the king.'

'Well,' said Anne, 'that I can understand. It is a strange thing that he wants to marry you now, you know. You are the first one since he died. _Ja_, you are right to fear for yourself. I know what can happen when Henry takes a shine to a woman, and since there is no chance of you outliving him like my dear friend Catherine Parr, the best outcome for you would be one like mine. So, here is what I suggest. You should try to make yourself unattractive to the king.'

'How? I never tried to be attractive to him in the first place!'

'Do not fret, it is quite easy. You can displease him by acting, um… what is the word? Boorishly, _ja_? For example.' Anne drew closer to Kylie, leaning furtively towards her. 'On our wedding night, I made much pig of myself at the feast, and then I was sick out of the window when Henry came to try and make love to me.'

'Really?' said Kylie. 'You did that?'

'Oh yes. I did not make myself a good wife to him. You see, my dear, when I knew the king he was rather old and very ugly, and the ulcer on his leg oozed much pus and blood that gave off evil smells. Also, he did sweat much. I did not desire to be married to him.'

'Anne, that's fantastic! The history books all say Henry found you unattractive, but they don't say whether you thought anything of him in return.'

'I do not mind history saying I was ugly,' said Anne. 'I kept my head, did I not? I was the longest surviving of any wife of his. Even Catherine Parr died before me.'

'Yeah, well, anyway,' said Kylie, 'we're getting sidetracked. I've talked with Catherine Howard, and she said that maybe _you_ could just take me back home.'

'Home?' said Anne. 'To the land of the living, you mean? Oh, I cannot do that. My only wish is to please my kind and generous king.'

'What? But… what about all that stuff with the wedding feast and the window?'

'Oh, that was different. It was my wedding night. I do not like to be the king's wife, but never have I been happier than as his beloved sister.'

'Oh God!'

'Do not worry, _meine liebchen_,' said Anne. 'It is a long time since Henry has seen the regurgitation of the food. Of course, we ghosts do this not. If you are sick out of the window tonight, perhaps he will take you home himself.'

'But it's not just me,' said Kylie. 'I have a friend who's going to be tortured for sleeping with Catherine Howard, even though he didn't.'

'Ah, dear little Katie. She always was too friendly with the gentlemen.'

'Anne, please, I have to find my friend. Do you know where he'd be?'

'I am afraid not, my dear. Henry has not had anyone tortured for centuries.'

'So what,' said Kylie, 'you're not going to help me at all?'

'But of course,' said Anne, 'I will dress your hair for the ceremony. That will be fun, _ja_?'

~.~

'You said he wouldn't take her while she was in the shower,' Garrett said accusingly.

'I didn't think he would.' Katie, sitting at a table in Egon's lab, was doodling in a tatty notebook. 'At any rate, I'm sure he didn't look.'

'That's really beside the point, Katie,' said Roland.

'Very much so,' said Egon. 'Now I have two members of my team trapped in Henry the Eight's dimension.'

'What difference does it make?' said Katie. 'If you can get one of them back, you can get the other one back as well. Besides, it's no good blaming me, for Kylie or for any of it. You're forgetting that she was thinking of letting Henry take her anyway, especially after I told her Anne of Cleves might bring her and Eduardo back.'

'_Will_ Anne of Cleves bring her and Eduardo back?' asked Roland.

'It depends on a few things,' said Katie. 'I don't know what Anne has a mind to do.'

'Even if Kylie and Eduardo do manage to get back here,' said Egon, 'they'll still have the most infamous king in English history angry with them both.'

'And probably still wanting to marry Kylie,' said Katie. 'You make a very excellent point there, Egon. Look, I've drawn a picture of a puppy. Isn't he a darling?'

She pushed the notebook towards Egon, and he looked at it. The page contained a crude pencil drawing of a spaniel, as well as a note in even cruder handwriting.

_I hop your alle prettendinge notte to nowe wat too do. We stille need too trappe Henry here and putte him in yore unitte thinge, thenne Anne wille bringe them backe Im shore. I hav gotte a idea too gette Henry here, you muste be reddy with yore weppens. _

~.~

Eduardo did not really believe that he could escape, but he knew it was worth a try. He walked round and round his prison cell, testing the walls and the door. He then began to wonder whether there was anything less conventional that he could do in an otherworldly room such as this.

'Edward Rivers, I presume,' someone said.

'No,' said Eduardo. Then he made a beeline for the torture implements, placed the box on the floor, threw the lid shut and sat on it.

His visitor furrowed his brow in annoyance. He was a tall man with grey hair and a sense of anxiety about him. He wore a long red robe and a red hat, which put Eduardo in mind of Cardinal Richelieu in the various adaptations of _The Three Musketeers _that he had seen.

'Hey, wait a minute - are you Cardinal Wolsey?' he asked.

'Clever boy,' said Wolsey. 'Do get off that box, will you?'

'But why are you here? Katie said she didn't know you.'

'Who?'

'Catherine Howard.'

'I know nothing of Henry's exploits after my death,' said Wolsey. 'Only recently have I been called back here.'

'Why? To torture me?'

'Yes, and to perform a wedding ceremony for the king.'

'What?' Eduardo stood up abruptly, then sat down again on the torture box. 'Who?'

'Oh, I don't know, one flighty strumpet or another. Now come along, move, do. I have to torture you until you confess to treason.'

'What happens after I confess?'

'You will be hung, drawn and quartered, or else beheaded at the king's pleasure. I shall probably have to do that as well, as he apparently has no one here other than a few wives. Move, boy, or I shall have to perform my duties as a much younger and stronger man.'

'You can do that?' said Eduardo, thinking of the contrast between Henry's best known portraits and the Henry that he had seen. 'Then why look like you do now?'

'I do not have to answer your questions.'

'Please, I really want to know.'

With no better ideas, Eduardo knew his only hope of avoiding torture was to keep Wolsey talking for as long as possible. In the meantime, maybe something would come to him. Maybe he would be rescued, if Kylie was somewhere around. Or maybe he could even reason with Wolsey, if he could only get him talking.

'Oh, very well,' said the cardinal. '_This_ is how the king knows me. _This_ is how I was in life, when I served him. Always must I please the king.'

'Why? What if you don't?'

'He will dismiss me.'

'So what?' said Eduardo. 'He can't do anything to you now. You're already dead.'

'Death is worse than life, if you have lived as I did. If I had served my God as diligently as I did my king, He would not have given me over in my grey hairs. I feared for my mortal body more than I feared for my immortal soul, boy, but now I see that my efforts were not in vain, for the king's arrogance was well founded. He is almost as powerful as he said he was - almost as powerful as God Himself - and has called me back from Hell.'

~.~

Katie sent Egon and Garrett into the kitchen, and gestured for Roland to sit down on the sofa. Janine followed all of them upstairs to see what they were up to.

'I could help, you know,' she said. 'I've put on a proton pack in the past and - '

'Oh, do hush!' said Katie. 'You have to answer the telephone device, don't you?'

Janine frowned. 'I could take a break from that.'

'Oh, please don't,' said Katie.

'Why not?'

'Because I've drawn you a picture of a spaniel. You must go and have a look at it.'

Janine wasn't familiar with the spaniel code, but Roland gave her a nod, and as she trusted him to know what he was doing, she decided to go and have a look at Katie's picture.

'It's on your desk,' said Katie, 'beside your device.'

'Which device?'

'The one with the screen and the buttons.'

'My computer.'

'If you say so, dear. Now then,' said Katie, as Janine wandered off. 'We're alone.'

'Um… kind of,' said Roland.

'Completely.' Katie sat down and draped her arm across the back of the sofa, smiling and batting her eyes. 'My Lord, would it please you to hear that I think of you often?'

'Katie, what are you -?'

'The king has forgotten me, my love. We are free to do as we wish. Kiss me!'

She leaned over him, puckering her lips, and Roland moved back in alarm.

'Katie, please…'

'Please what, my darling? I'll do anything you wish.'

'Get off me.'

'You needn't be afraid, my love, for my husband has shunned me. Say you love me, my darling. It makes my heart die to think that you do not love me!'

'Catherine,' said Roland, leaning further back and shielding his face with his hand. 'You have to stop this.'

'Why?'

'Because you're so young!'

'I'm not, you know.'

'Well, you look it,' said Roland. 'Katie…'

'Yes?'

'Is this your whole plan?'

'Don't spoil it!' hissed Katie.

'I'm sorry, but… it doesn't seem to be working, does it?'

'Oh… you're right.' She moved away from him and dropped heavily back into a sitting position. 'Well, there was no guarantee. This may not be easy, but we simply have to do something. They'll never get back on their own, and Eduardo's life and Kylie's honour are at stake. It would be nice if Anne had stayed to help, wouldn't it? They may anger each other, but Henry has always had a very special kind of love for her. I think if _she_ had tried to seduce you, he might have come.'

'You really care, don't you?' said Roland.

'Of course. I've been ruined by Henry as a silly young thing, and they're not even silly. In a way, I asked for it, but they never did. Don't forget, it's my fault they're in this mess. I didn't have to come here.'

'You couldn't have known this would happen.'

'Excuse me.' Garrett was in the kitchen doorway. 'Is there a plan B?'

'Certainly not,' said Katie. 'Clearly Henry's too busy to bother with me now.'

'Wait,' said Roland. 'That picture of a spaniel you drew Janine…'

'I like spaniels. I think they're frightfully sweet, don't you?'

'But it wasn't _just _a picture of a spaniel, right?' said Garrett.

'I may have thrown in a flower or two as well,' said Katie. 'Ah, Janine, there you are! How splendid. Did you find my picture?'

'Yes,' said Janine, handing Katie a sheet of paper.

'Oh, goodie,' said Katie, looking at the sheet and nodding in approval. 'Smashing picture of a child picking flowers, Janine. I'll show it to Egon, if you don't mind.'

'Be my guest,' said Janine.

'Katie,' said Garrett. 'Is this going to work?'

'Do hush up,' said Katie, and as she walked past him she stooped and whispered, 'Haven't you people ever heard of talking in code?'

~.~

As Anne of Cleves held her head straight and tugged at her hair, Kylie said, 'I can't just sit here and let him be tortured - I _can't_! You have to help me find him!'

'Of course,' said Anne, 'the torture will stop if he confesses to treason. Then there will be more time while Henry finds an executioner.'

'Can't the torturer do that?'

'Well, I suppose so. If you really must see him, you might ask the king if you can bestow your blessings upon the condemned man.'

'Would he let me do that?'

'He might. You never know.'

'My dear!' Henry's voice boomed down the length of the banqueting hall. 'I see you and Anne are getting along like sisters. How splendid.'

'Did you find a torturer?' asked Kylie.

'Indeed, my love.'

'And someone to marry us?'

'Of course. In face, those men are one and the same: my old friend and advisor, Cardinal Thomas Wolsey. How I regret now what happened to my favourite Thomases. Wolsey, More, Cromwell…'

'I thought maybe you'd bring Thomas Cranmer to marry us,' said Kylie. 'Aren't cardinals supposed to be above things like that?'

'My love,' said Henry, 'Wolsey is dead, and was suffering the wrath of God until I found him. He is above nothing.'

'Is he torturing Eduardo right now?'

'He'll be in trouble if he isn't.'

'Stop him,' said Kylie. 'Please.'

'The torturing of a lowly prisoner can wait, no?' said Anne. 'Your Majesty, this beautiful and comely young lady is eager to be wife to her new lord. Why let her suffer impatience? Bring Wolsey to marry you to her, and then he can torture the boy while you go to your wedding bed.'

Henry looked at Kylie with an indulgent smile. 'Is that so, my dear? Are you impatient to give me your maidenhead?'

'Yes,' said Kylie, trying to sound like she meant it.

'Very well then. I shall fetch Wolsey at once.'

'Oh, great,' said Kylie, once Henry had left. 'That'll be the worst hour or so of Eduardo's life, being tortured by Cardinal Wolsey while I'm in bed with Henry the Eighth.'

'Why place such importance on the latter?' asked Anne. 'Does he love you?'

'I'm, er… not going to put words in his mouth. Anyway, even if he did, that would hardly make it worse. Torture is torture, right?'

'It is worse, I should imagine, if the woman you love is consummating her marriage to another man at the time. The pain of the heart can be as great as the pain of the body. Oh, but Lady Griffin, you do not have to. Do you not remember my advice?'

Kylie frowned. 'You're determined I should throw up out the window, aren't you?'

'It will help you.'

'Does this place even _have_ windows?'

With a shrug, Anne said, 'Then be sick in the bed. That he will dislike even more.'

'Anne, listen,' said Kylie. 'Thank you for getting Henry to put off the torture. I'm really grateful. It's just… can't you do _anything_ to stop what happens next?'

'Well,' said Anne, 'while you are being sick and disgusting the king, I shall follow Wolsey and find your friend. There may be something I can do to help him.'

'Oh, Anne, thank you!'

'But I make no promises, _liebchen_, except that I will try.'

~.~

'Very fine,' said Egon. 'You're sure this will bring him here?'

'Yes,' said Katie. 'I am certain it will, if he sees it.'

'And how will you make him see it?'

'He may not be watching me, but he can certainly hear me if he chooses to.'

With that Katie opened her mouth, and yelled at the top of her voice, 'HENRY! KING HENRY THE EIGHTH OF ENGLAND, YOU MUST LISTEN TO ME! YOUR BRIDE IS PRE-PLEDGED!'

~.~

Wolsey had just kicked Eduardo off the torture box when he vanished and Eduardo, his throat dry and his heart pounding, did not trust this sudden disappearance. He waited for a long time - he did not know how long - on all fours just as Wolsey had left him.

Finally, the answer occurred to him. Wolsey had said that he was going to perform the wedding ceremony of the king and his new bride. Eduardo got to his feet, not knowing what he should do. There was nothing he could do but await Wolsey's return, at which time he would be tortured and Kylie would be the wife of that monstrous king.

~.~

As Wolsey droned on about God and marriage, and Anne looked smilingly on, Kylie tried to think comforting thoughts. First of all, she thought, the marriage would not be legally binding, as Henry was dead. This only meant that there was more time for her to think of something to do, or for her friends to rescue her and Eduardo somehow. Second… well, perhaps being sick in the marriage bed really would put Henry off, as Anne supposed.

'And God said unto them, "Be fruitful and multiply," and - '

'One moment, Thomas,' said Henry, and he vanished.

~.~

Egon, Janine, Roland and Garrett all watched Katie with baited breath. Then, suddenly, she disappeared.

Garrett blinked. 'What the -?'

'No!' said Roland. 'She can't be gone! She was our only link to Henry's dimension!'

'Egon, what happened?' asked Janine.

'I'm going into the other room,' said Egon. 'Be ready.'

'Why?' said Garrett. 'Do you know where she is?'

'I have no way of knowing for certain,' said Egon. 'But I hope.'

~.~

When Henry reappeared, he was gripping Katie by the shoulders and shaking her.

'Catherine Howard!' he roared. 'What new trickery is this? What spiteful little game are you playing, child?'

'It is no game, Henry,' Katie said through rattling teeth. 'Read the contract for yourself!'

She held Janine's piece of paper up, between her face and his, and Henry took it. As he read, he seemed to anger more and more, until his eyes glowed and his face was a deep shade of purple.

'Kylie Griffin,' he said at last. 'Is this true?'

'Is what true?' asked Kylie.

'That you are no better than this brazen strumpet standing beside me!'

Henry thrust the piece of paper into Kylie's hands. She read:

_This is to certify that an agreement to marry has been made between the Doctor Egon Spengler and the Lady Kylie Griffin, as the two have expressed their love and affection for each other, and intend to be married in the eyes of God when the Lady Griffin is one and twenty years of age._

Kylie looked up and saw that, behind Henry, Katie was nodding and smiling and giving her gestures of encouragement.

'This is absolutely true,' Kylie said huskily, her fear almost outweighing her trust.

~.~

Eduardo started as his prison door clanged open, and a moment later Kylie was flung into the cell with such force that she fell onto her hands and knees. The door was pulled shut again, and Henry's furious face peered through the bars.

'Whore!' he roared. 'You thought to trick me into marriage?'

'No,' said Kylie. 'I never actually wanted to marry you in the first place.'

'Of course you did,' said Henry, suddenly all smiles, 'and now what excellent fortune, my love. If Doctor Spengler has spoilt you for me, I can have him convicted of treason, and you also. Then, once I have had your lovely head severed, we can truly be together.'

'So that's the plan, is it?' said Kylie, frowning.

Eduardo, shaking himself out of his amazement, went to help Kylie to her feet.

'You as well, Spaniard?' said Henry, with a hearty laugh, as his bride and his prisoner touched. 'Very well. You three will be my new Catherine, Dereham and Culpeper. Fear not, lad. You are Culpeper, whose death was quick, as I hated Dereham more.'

The face vanished and the laughter faded. After some time, Kylie said, 'I think he's gone.'

Eduardo still had his hands on her elbows. He removed them, took a step back and said, 'I told you.'

'Yeah, well,' said Kylie. '_I_ told _you_.'

'Are you okay? Are you married to him?'

'No, we didn't finish. It looks like Wolsey didn't get around to torturing you either.'

'Not quite.'

Kylie nodded. 'Good.'

They were silent for a while. Then Eduardo said, 'You look very… Tudor.'

'You look condemned,' said Kylie.

'So… what is actually happening?'

Kylie told him the brief story, turning it over in her mind as she did so. She was sure Katie would not be allowed to come to them, so what exactly were they supposed to do?

'I guess we just have to wait,' said Kylie.

'For what?'

'I don't know. Anne of Cleves might take us back. Oh, by the way, you were right. You thought she might not have really been ugly, and she isn't. She's really pretty.'

'In a conventional way, though, right?'

'I guess,' said Kylie. 'I hadn't really thought about it. You were right about a few things, really, weren't you? Henry did get interested in me just because I was - '

'Unconventionally beautiful.'

'There.'

'You're both,' said Eduardo.

'I'm not there anymore,' said Kylie. 'I'm here. Do you suppose there's a chance that…?'

'What?'

'Well… that we'll never get out of here. Clearly the plan is for Henry to go after Egon, but if everyone's just waiting around with their weapons, why should this time be any different? Henry never put himself in a vulnerable position before, and actually, you don't have to be asleep for him to bring you here. Why shouldn't he just whisk Egon away like he did me?'

'Speaking of which, I'm surprised you let your guard down,' said Eduardo.

'Yeah, well, I still have to go to the bathroom.'

'Without your gun?'

'No, I took my gun. It's just that Egon said not to take it into the shower.'

Eduardo was shocked. 'Well what did you want to take a shower for?'

'To get clean,' said Kylie. 'And I thought that maybe…'

'Maybe what?'

'Well, that maybe… he wouldn't take me from the shower. Katie said he was too much of a gentleman to do that.'

'He's no gentleman, Kylie.'

'He said he didn't look.'

Eduardo snorted. 'Of course he looked.'

'You know, you shouldn't judge people by your own standards.'

'This is getting us nowhere. What are we going to do now? Wait for Henry to kill us?'

'Well, the others _have _a plan,' said Kylie, 'even if it's not going to work. Let's just wait and see what happens, shall we?'

~.~

Katie fell in a heap in the corner of the kitchen while Henry appeared before Egon, larger than life. Thinking quickly, Katie scrambled across the room and, still kneeling, wrapped her arms around Egon's waist.

'Stay here, Egon,' she whispered. 'Don't let Henry take you.'

'What are you muttering about, girl?' said Henry. 'Take your hands off him.'

'Why?' said Katie. 'What can you do to me now? I can take my own head off any time, don't forget. There's nothing else you can do to me, you nasty, ulcerous old - '

She was cut off as the room filled with light and sound, and Henry's roars. This went on for some time, until Egon shouted over the noise, 'Tell me you remembered the trap!'

'Sorry, Egon,' said Garrett. 'We were hurrying - it slipped my mind.'

Shaking his head, Egon made his way around the edge of the kitchen and slipped out of the door behind Roland, his eyes falling at once upon the forgotten ghost trap.

~.~

'Can I ask you something?' said Kylie.

Eduardo answered with a non-committal shrug.

'You're not normally interested enough to read the books. Why this time?'

'I don't know, I just felt like it.'

'That's not good enough. Come on, tell me.'

With a sigh, Eduardo said, 'I wanted to help Katie, I guess. She was just so…'

'What, cute and pretty?'

'Scared and young. Well, she looked it, and even though she's older now she never really grew up, did she? She's been here her whole afterlife. She didn't go through anything, or learn anything, or experience anything that changed her. She just… died a frightened kid.'

'Huh,' said Kylie. 'You know, sometimes you can be almost - '

'What the hell was that?'

Kylie felt it too. There came a violent lurch, and then suddenly their surroundings were melting away. She and Eduardo reached for each other, but their hands met empty air.

'Eduardo!' Kylie yelled, then immediately noticed that her Tudor dress had disappeared along with the rest of her surroundings. It was with immense relief that she realised she was back in the bathroom at the firehouse, her clothes in a pile beside her.

There came a frantic banging on the door.

'Kylie?' It was Katie's voice, shrill with anxiety. 'Are you in there? I've just thought… with Henry gone…'

'His whole world vanished,' Kylie finished, as she clambered into her clothes. 'I'm fine, I just kind of appeared back here. Where's Eduardo?'

'Wherever Henry took him from, I suppose.'

Kylie pulled open the door, and was greeted with the smile of an anxious little girl. It was true, Kylie thought. In some ways, Katie hadn't grown up at all over the centuries.

'I'm so sorry,' said Katie. 'For everything.'

'It's all right. Well, as long as Eduardo's okay. I think I'll go downstairs and call him.'

Katie stepped aside, and followed Kylie down the stairs. Kylie then headed for the next flight of stairs while Katie approached Janine, Roland and Garrett.

'Has Egon gone to put Henry in the thingumy-whatsit?' she asked.

'Yes,' said Janine. 'He won't be bothering anyone again.'

'Best place for him,' said Roland. 'You were right to come to us, Katie. If he was going to start treating living people like that, it's best that it happened here.'

~.~

'I don't get how that worked,' Kylie said to Eduardo, who had answered his phone with no trouble. 'I thought that maybe Henry built up his world around us or something, but… we were together. And now you're there and I'm here. How is that possible?'

'It doesn't matter,' said Eduardo. 'The point is we're both okay, and Henry's gone.'

'Yeah, I guess. I wonder how he'll fare in the containment unit.'

'Who cares? Hey, is Katie still there?'

'Yes,' said Kylie. 'You know, she likes you a lot, for some reason. I don't think she'll go anywhere before saying goodbye and good luck to you.'

'I'd like to see her again,' said Eduardo. 'Just to say those things.'

'You don't have to explain. Who knew you and Catherine Howard would get on so well? It would just be rude to let her go without saying… well, goodbye and good luck.'

'I guess.'

'So,' said Kylie, 'when you got back… had your Tudor clothes disappeared?'

'Yeah.'

'Mine too.'

'Well, sure,' Eduardo said, and Kylie heard a hint of a smile in his voice. 'I guess it was all part of Henry's little world. Egon could probably tell you all about it. Wait before you ask him, though, and I'll come over.'

'Oh no, don't,' said Kylie. 'You have to write your art history paper.'

'How do you know about that?'

'Kevin told us.'

'Kevin? Did you tell…? Had I better go down and let them know I'm okay?'

'Yes,' said Kylie, 'I think you better had.'

They hung up, and Kylie made her way back upstairs. She found Katie still with Roland, Janine and Garrett, going over the events of the day.

'I wonder what happened to Anne of Cleves,' Katie said. 'And Jane, of course. I hope she can find her boy. Funny him not being there, really - I wonder why that would be. Well, we could debate that for hours, I suppose.'

'We can also wonder what happened to Cardinal Wolsey,' said Kylie.

'Gosh, was he there?' asked Katie.

'Right,' said Kylie, 'you guys don't know about that.'

'Yeah, tell us what happened,' said Garrett. 'It must be a hell of a lot more interesting than what I did for this whole thing. Even Roland had Katie pretending to come onto him to try and get Henry here.'

'Would you rather have been tortured by Cardinal Wolsey?' asked Kylie.

Roland looked worried. 'Was Eduardo actually tortured?'

'No. Between us, you, me and Anne of Cleves stopped it. Thanks, by the way, all of you.'

'There's still one other thing we have to deal with,' said Katie. 'That necklace, Kylie.'

Kylie's heart sank. 'Oh God.'

'I didn't want to tell you earlier, Kylie,' said Janine, 'with everything else on your mind, but you should know that thing's in a sorry state now. Pagan got hold of it.'

'Oh _God_!'

'Don't talk to God about it, chicken,' said Katie. 'I'm sorry to say it, but I do not think God is always as helpful as he might be. I'll take it back for you, Kylie. Never mind the state it's in. The queen can get it spruced up, and no one will ever know it was you.'

'Thank you, Katie,' said Kylie. 'If you'll come to my place we can pick it up.'

'Better wipe the fingerprints off, Kylie,' said Janine. 'Mine are on there too, remember.'

'Eduardo said he was going to find out which one of the queen's residences it was stolen from,' said Katie, 'but I suppose he hasn't had time.'

'It'll be easy to find that out online,' said Roland. 'I'll drive you, and we'll look it up on the way out.'

'Smashing,' said Katie. 'I might not see you again after this, Janine and Garrett, so bye!'

'Bye,' Janine and Garrett said in unison.

'And thank you,' Katie added.

~.~

Eduardo was checking through his finished essay when there came a knock at his door. It was probably Beth wanting to leave Kevin with him again, he thought, but instead he found Katie on the threshold.

'Since when do ghosts knock?' he asked.

'I was being polite.'

'Would you like to come in?'

She shook her head, and said, 'Not much point. We could probably talk about things for a long time, but why bother? It happened, and it's over now, and you can talk about it with your living friends all you want. In the meantime, I really should be going.'

'Going where?' asked Eduardo.

'Well,' said Katie, 'to return the queen's priceless necklace, and then to find my friend Joan like we said. So this is goodbye, I suppose.'

'Goodbye and good luck,' said Eduardo, liking Kylie's choice of phrase.

'Yes,' said Katie, smiling sadly. 'Do you think it would be all right if I gave you a hug?'

'Sure.'

So Catherine Howard gave Eduardo Rivera a heartfelt hug, and then she was gone.

FINIS


End file.
